Transportation

By Banana_Lord - 11/09/2015 23:50 - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 458

You deserved it 1 856

By et510 - 20/07/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 670

You deserved it 3 756

et510 tells us more.

et510 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:27

It was a parking lot for a grocery store. My car is a beige '82 300D Mercedes. I don't think it looks that suspicious. I've never been in a car accident in my whole entire life, then when I moved to Georgia, I was in 3 within my first year living here. I didn't cause any of them. If that happened to you, you'd understand why I park in a parking lot to let the traffic go by. I know it sounds shady, but after I explained this to you, does it still sound shady? Apparently the cops think so.

Look out!

By station - 05/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 958

You deserved it 57 255

Stuck in neutral

By Anonymous - 08/07/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, I was driving home through the middle of nowhere when a screw punctured my car tire. I arrived at the town's only auto shop to find that it had closed early. Frantic, I dialed the emergency number listed on the shop's locked door. On the other side of the glass, a phone began to ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 961

You deserved it 3 627

By KelseNM - 14/08/2018 14:30

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 382

You deserved it 139

Safety first

By phlyingphuck - 31/08/2009 12:44 - United States

Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 667

You deserved it 7 921

By Ms. Heartless - 16/12/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 613

You deserved it 13 470

Rough

By vela9002 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me, and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men," he said, "Oh yeah, me too, I really like buff guys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 982

You deserved it 13 890

By El Stupido - 12/06/2011 13:51 - Australia

Today, I was stuck in stand-still traffic for 5 minutes, before realizing I had stopped behind a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 198

You deserved it 58 462

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 326

You deserved it 9 566

By gkline09 - 06/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read, "Stop banging my boyfriend." I haven't had anyone in my love life for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 113

You deserved it 3 086

Stuck

By Anonymous - 16/04/2024 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I'm once again stuck on the side of the road. I was borrowing my housemate's old car and it broke down. This comes only days after my own broke down (and will take 3 weeks to repair). None of this is helping my sudden temper and mood swings that have come as a side-effect of discontinuing my anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 165

Confused, lost

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 03:00 - Switzerland - Neuchatel

Today, I missed my train. I was actually on the right platform but realized my mistake two minutes after it had left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 238

By nerd - 18/06/2009 14:15 - Finland

Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 326

You deserved it 76 362

By thehunterofprey - 22/06/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my parents as gay and they reacted better than I expected. Then I found my car destroyed with a note that said "fag" on what used to be my hood. I never thought I'd have to sue my own family, but I'm lucky I have security footage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 751

You deserved it 456

By lk07 - 27/10/2017 23:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, after selling things on eBay all week to afford a nice weekend with my husband and kids, my car died. Now we have to spend the money on a battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 688

You deserved it 348

Bollards!

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 16:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I proudly drove my new car to work, feeling on top of the world. As I parked, I noticed everyone in the lot staring at me. I smiled and waved, thinking they were admiring my car. It wasn't until I got to my desk that my boss informed me I'd dragged an orange traffic cone under my car the entire way to the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 565

By yaa - 26/05/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 095

You deserved it 4 268

Sit on it?

By Anonymous - 24/02/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, someone stole the seat off my bike. Just the seat. What the hell are they going to do with it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 26/03/2012 10:53 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 318

You deserved it 30 301

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 12:28 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 403

You deserved it 7 099

A "friend" indeed

By Username - 23/07/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 344

You deserved it 3 239

Febreze yourself

By Anonymous - 21/01/2024 13:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, I got kicked out of an Uber for "smelling bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 792

By Username - 23/06/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 834

You deserved it 5 952

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 922

You deserved it 3 875

Smells like…

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 746

You deserved it 2 613

By Anonymous - 13/04/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 1 305

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 142

You deserved it 2 551

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 268

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The Top

Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 87

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 524

Today, I was picking up my 10 year-old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 114

You deserved it 3 420

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 214

You deserved it 3 315

Today, my partner has been losing weight to get slimmer and took a picture of the scale. He posted it onto his Facebook and tagged me in it. After two hours we got messages from his family to look in the reflection of the glass on the scale and I was nude in the background. Thanks, Hun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I discovered that, while not exactly probable, you can get pimples on your eyes that are only visible when you close said eye. I get them in all sorts of weird and uncomfortable places, but this takes the cake. How is that even possible? FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 71