Love

ASMR

Crucible101 - 24/08/2020 08:07

Today, I listened to a recording of a woman saying, "I love you" for about 30 mins straight. That's apparently the only way I can feel loved. FML

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Father material

Anonymous - 23/08/2020 02:07

Today, according to my husband, if I die first he won’t be looking after my son from a previous marriage. Either my sister will have to take him or he’ll go into foster care. He doesn’t want kids of his own, so he’ll be dammed if he has to look after someone else’s just because I’m dead. FML

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Gentle

Ash_The_Unicorn - 20/08/2020 14:05

Today, after losing my father a little over 6 months ago, and finally feeling comfortable talking to my fiancé (who lives with me and my family) about it, my mother forced her way into the room and started yelling at me for crying. Her excuse, "It’s after your bedtime." I’m 20. FML

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Catching up

Anonymous - 13/08/2020 23:01

Today, I got a message from my crush, with whom I had a one night stand with a few months ago. I was really surprised and excited to see his name pop up on my phone. Turns out, he only messaged me to accuse me of giving him mono, and then he blocked me. FML

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Someone needs a hug

lukey101 - 13/08/2020 05:01

Today, I was out to lunch when someone in the distance proposed to his partner. She said yes, everyone clapped and cheered. I, on the other hand, burst into tears and couldn't stop bawling for about half an hour. I'm a 32 year-old man and didn't even know the happy couple. FML

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I'll get right on it, chief

F U mil - 12/08/2020 23:05

Today, my mother-in-law called me selfish, lazy and a bad mother for giving my kids chores, like picking up toys and shoes. When we got married, my husband didn’t even know how to load a dishwasher or run a load of laundry. According to her, a "real mother" waits on her family hand and foot. Yeah, OK. FML

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Projection

Anonymous - 12/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend said angrily that he should never have gotten together with me, that he should have known a woman with divorced parents would have daddy issues, and never be quite right in the head. His own parents are divorced by the way, and his mom is extremely overbearing. FML

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Freak out

menstruation nation - 11/08/2020 05:01

Today, my boyfriend flipped out when he saw a period tracker app on my phone. According to him, chicks only use those when they want to know when they’re the most fertile so they can “baby trap” a man. I have irregular cycles. The app helps me know when I should or shouldn’t expect a period. FML

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Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

Anonymous - 08/08/2020 17:02

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

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Empathy Man

Anonymous - 05/08/2020 02:02

Today, I told my man I was feeling a lack of emotional closeness and dialogue in our relationship. I'd hoped for a comeback like, "So what do you need in order to change that?" Or even, "Aw, come here, let's cuddle!" Instead, I got a simple, "I don't." FML

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What goes around…

Anonymous - 02/08/2020 20:01

Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML

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Live from Salt Lake City

Anonymous - 20/07/2020 20:02

Today, I’m in a polyamorous relationship with my husband and another woman. She has anger issues and has been very abusive to me, and finally told my husband she wants to break up with me. Not him... just me. She’s still sleeping in our bed with him, and I’m sleeping on the couch. FML

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Meddling

sotter42 - 20/07/2020 17:01

Today, my father-in-law decided he was going to just completely take over our engagement party, so now my fiancé just wants to go to Reno and get married there. FML

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The apple of my eye

anonymous - 17/07/2020 08:00

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML

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In the cold

the dog won - 16/07/2020 14:01

Today, after being tired of my husband acting like I’m invisible, giving more attention and affection to the dog than to me, and me going to spend a few nights at my sister’s house, he texted me, "You coming home to make dinner or what?" on the second day. It's now day 4 and he hasn’t said anything else since. FML

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Collateral damage

Anonymous - 16/07/2020 05:01

Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML

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Mixed signals

Anonymous - 13/07/2020 20:02

Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML

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Waiting for that special someone

foreveralone - 10/07/2020 17:04

Today, just like at every gynecologist's appointment in the last 5 years, I had to yet again explain that no, I'm not a virgin at 27 because I'm waiting till marriage, I'm just a loser that no-one wants to sleep with. FML

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Love knows no boundaries

Anonymous - 08/07/2020 14:01

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

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The lifescript

RowanBlossom - 07/07/2020 05:01

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

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Take the L

Anonymous - 06/07/2020 17:02

Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told me we should never talk to each other again. FML

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Bosom buddies

Lennie Mcfish - 06/07/2020 14:02

Today, while caring for my drunk girlfriend, she confessed that she cheated on me 3 different times with my sister. Now I know why they are always spending time together. FML

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What a tool

Anonymous - 02/07/2020 17:01

Today, my husband told me he didn't want me to get power tools to build things, because he thinks a miter saw and a sanding orbiter are more dangerous than guns. FML

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Mixed signals

Anonymous - 30/06/2020 17:02

Today, my girlfriend always assures me she doesn’t care if I’m a little overweight, yet in the past few weeks she’s bought me running shorts, new trainers, a set of professional barbells and weights, a "how to lose weight in your living room" book and installed a treadmill in the garage. FML

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No, of course she's not…

so racist - 25/06/2020 02:02

Today, my mother burst into tears when I told her I was engaged. They were not tears of joy, however. She was crying because although she insists she’s "not" racist, she was crying because none of her grandchildren would be "pure." My fiancé is black. FML

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Boundaries

Anonymous - 24/06/2020 17:02

Today, I took my new girl out on a date after work. Ten minutes later, my ex-wife, her new boyfriend and my daughter showed up at the same restaurant and decided a double date would be fun. My ex lives an hour away. FML

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Shameless

lying fuck! - 22/06/2020 14:02

Today, I walked into my husband's office and accidentally interrupted his business call to tell him dinner was ready. Silly me, I didn’t realize his "business call" included Skyping with his topless ex, with his pants down. FML

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Swindler's List

whoneedsloveanyway - 21/06/2020 02:01

Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML

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Some people just don't like surprises

alone and horny - 20/06/2020 20:01

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

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Honesty is the best policy

Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

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Today, my fiancé asked his 13-year-old sister what role she wanted in our upcoming wedding. Her response was "Saying I object!" FML

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Today, my town had a carnival to raise money for cancer. I ran a kissing booth, when a really cute guy came up paid his $20, looked at me, and said "not even for cancer." He took his money and left. FML

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Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

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Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

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Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

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