Kids

Great job, dude

Anonymous - 21/04/2021 23:01 - Australia

Today, after my boyfriend of three years and I had our first child together last year and he was so hands on, now when I ask him to help with the baby he tells me I’m the primary carer, and that he’s not ready to be a dad. FML

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Primitive art

Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

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Making connections

Anonymous - 18/04/2021 03:00 - Canada - Bedford

Today, my dad and I finally found something we have in common, after 12 years of barely talking with each other. We're both extremely suicidally depressed and we were both molested as kids. FML

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Spoiled to the core

good mama - 18/04/2021 04:59

Today, my mom is furious that I won’t let her babysit my kids anymore. Twice they’ve come home with vomiting and diarrhea after she let them eat nothing but desserts the entire day. Her excuse? Grandmas are supposed to spoil their grandkids. Spoil, not give them diabetes. FML

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Empathy

Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

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My little boy

Anonymous - 16/04/2021 00:30

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

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Are you sure?

Anonymous - 15/04/2021 11:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I sent a picture of my two little nephews to my friends, who now keep telling me how my older nephew looks exactly like me. They’re starting to make awkward statements such as, “Are you sure you didn’t have sex with your sister in-law?” FML

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They'll have anyone these days

Anonymous - 13/04/2021 23:00

Today, I asked my 18 year-old daughter to buy half a dozen donuts. When she brought them over, I opened the box and discovered the dozen donuts were all cut in half. She just got accepted into a prestigious private university. FML

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He got game

Anonymous - 10/04/2021 17:00

Today, my son told me he's had 5 boyfriends and is currently working to improve himself before getting into another relationship. When I was his age, I was still single. My son has more game than I do. FML

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Kids will be kids

Charles Booth - 09/04/2021 14:00 - United States

Today, my 14 year-old got a 5-day suspension for fighting. He stood up for an 7th grader who was getting picked on. While the poor kid was eating lunch, they were messing with him when my son stepped in. There were some words said, then a fight. He feels terrible for fighting but I think he was in the right. FML

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Gummy

madeleine - 08/04/2021 05:00

Today, I caught my young daughter eating candy after brushing her teeth. Angry, I asked her if she wanted all her teeth to fall out. She smiled and said, “Yes!” FML

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Time for the dentist

Ethan - 07/04/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got home to my son holding his brother down with one foot on his chest and both hands on a pair of pliers, trying to pull out his infected tooth, looking like some sort of redneck, hillbilly comedy sketch. I half expected to hear sound effects in the background. FML

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Evil eye doctor

Anonymous - 07/04/2021 01:58 - United States

Today, my step-son broke his glasses. Our doctor said he would no longer see us because my step-son is transgender, and a new law in our state allows him to do this. Apparently, it was foolish to be honest on medical forms. Finals are in a month but we have to find a new doctor before he can even study. FML

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I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

jenni - 06/04/2021 20:00

Today, my seven-year-old niece gave me a birthday card. Only she'd spelled my name as ‘Jenny.’ When I told her it was spelled with an i instead of a y, she cried. FML

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Relief

Andrew Cab - 06/04/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML

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Weird kid

maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

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Crybabies

PooperParty - 05/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had an Easter Egg Hunt in my backyard for my kids. When they collected all the eggs, they opened them and to their dismay there was no candy inside. When I bought them, I thought they already came with candy. It’s been two hours and my kids won’t stop crying. FML

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Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

- 04/04/2021 07:59

Today, I found out that they won't hold my stimulus for child support, only to find out that they withheld it to give it to me when I file my taxes. Which child support will take. FML

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Little shit

NoPocketforme - 04/04/2021 00:30

Today, I ate the last Hot Pocket in the house. My little brother threw a temper tantrum and poured a bucket of water all over my desk and Macbook. My mom’s response? “Aw he’s just a little boy.” My brother is 13. FML

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Projectile

Mr.Incognito-san - 03/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sisters were fighting, again. Unfortunately, one of them has the tendency to pick up the closest object and throw it at the other one. Unfortunately, I was the closest object, again. FML

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Suspicious minds

Hugh - 03/04/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

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Eastenders

Amrit - 03/04/2021 01:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that a few years ago, when I lost my kids to my ex-wife, it was because my current wife secretly hated having to be their stepmom, so she conspired with my ex to ruin the custody hearing in my ex's favour. FML

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Oh, hai Mark!

lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

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She'll learn

alyssa - 01/04/2021 21:30

Today, my four-year-old daughter believes that all women will automatically become pregnant at some point during their lives. At least we don’t have to save for college. FML

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Teenagers

Chuncan Duncan - 01/04/2021 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

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Lookalikes

Anonymous - 31/03/2021 13:58 - Germany - Bruchsal

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

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Kids will be kids

bad influence - 29/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

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Kids are gross

Shawn - 28/03/2021 05:01

Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML

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Parent-sanctioned violence

Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

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Shiny shiny

me! - 25/03/2021 17:01

Today, my 8-year-old daughter came home from school, saying she had gotten engaged and was wearing a ring. It looked real. Later that night, I got a call saying that their son had given my daughter his grandma's engagement ring. My daughter actually said no to the engagement, but still took the ring, FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

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Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

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Today, my mom won’t let me go to my boyfriend’s apartment. She says it’s because “I know what you guys are gonna do there I’m not stupid.” She threatened to kick me out of the house if I go. I’m 19. FML

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Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

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Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

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Today, I made a homemade face mask with turmeric, honey, lemon, and a few other organic ingredients. I let the mixture sit, then washed it off. It stained my face so bright yellow I look like I’m either suffering from a terrible case of jaundice or auditing for a live action Simpson’s movie. FML

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