Intimacy

Felt cute, might delete later

By nopanties - 04/03/2013 05:11 - United States - Durham

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 880

You deserved it 6 461

No thanks!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 09:00 - United States - Spokane

Spicy

Today, my husband thought I might want to get intimate. I've never seen someone vacate a room so quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 235

By Gavin - 20/02/2012 21:19 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 867

You deserved it 4 707

Kinky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was asked to pick up something from my parents' house, only to be greeted with the horrid surprise that my elderly dad has taken to wearing women's pantyhose and garters. He claims it's for his knees, but that doesn't explain the boner I had to see peeking out of his panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 131

By cinderella - 27/09/2010 14:47 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 501

You deserved it 4 495

Make him stop

By he’s just terrible at it! - 30/10/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 085

You deserved it 447

Punchline man

By Anonymous - 27/10/2022 18:00

Spicy

Today, I figured out the medical problem with my wife’s legs. She likes to spread them so my cousin has somewhere to rest his penis while I’m at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 196

That's so hot

By Anonymous - 04/11/2021 21:00 - Australia - Bundoora

Spicy

Today, I discovered that I was the catalyst for my best friend's and ex's relationship. Apparently, still being in love with him added crazy heat to their sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 293

You deserved it 151

By thegirlwiththedumbassbf - 23/03/2016 22:58 - United States - Camarillo

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 010

You deserved it 2 220

By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 588

You deserved it 4 286

TMI

By Disgusted - 05/07/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 030

You deserved it 3 803

By Ballhugger - 06/12/2009 20:42 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 603

You deserved it 11 176

By GimmeLaCoffee - 15/05/2014 13:03 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 147

You deserved it 9 985

GimmeLaCoffee tells us more.

GimmeLaCoffee 4

Friday 16 May 2014 0:27

First off, yeah I was a bit pissed (cause, well, I was pretty excited..) but we do prank each other all the time so I'm laughing about it. Don't worry, I'll get my revenge! Also, its not because she is jealous/into me- like I said, we prank each other, and as for my roommate being in her underwear thats not unusual, we both do it and she is very free with her body. Personally I think its great she is so confident, which I respect (since it's made bloody hard for women these days). As for the lot of you who were like '**** her, she owes you' thats kinda sick. You don't 'owe' someone sex for anything, especially not a prank. However she really can't complain if I scare off her next date! Revenge prank ideas are welcome, I'm thinking chilli in her cereal for starters..

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 09:45 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to cancel my wedding because my fiancé is so hungover from his bachelor party, he's throwing up all over the place, can't stand up straight and is calling me by the stripper's name he met yesterday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 286

You deserved it 5 158

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 220

You deserved it 9 777

So frustrating!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 442

You deserved it 10 281

By Torbey - 14/09/2016 03:49 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my younger brother complained yet again of soreness in his wrist. Frustrated with his constant whining, my mother turned to him and snapped, 'Well, what have you been using it for all this time then!?' The awkward silence of realisation for them both won't go away anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 581

You deserved it 1 292

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 16/03/2010 23:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me. In my opinion, the relationship was going so well and I really thought we loved each other. When I asked why, he told me he never loved me. He just wanted to get in my pants, which after a year of refusing, he finally did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 038

You deserved it 5 913

Et tu, Brute?

By FML - 10/09/2017 16:00

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 856

You deserved it 318

By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 03:11 - United States - Omaha

Spicy

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 293

You deserved it 7 098

By pathetic - 20/08/2010 09:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 712

You deserved it 29 898

Who the f***?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 949

You deserved it 5 951

Perfect life

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, I seemingly have the perfect life. A clean house, a car, two well behaved kids, and stability in every way. I'm also quite good looking, with a good body and health. It's like out of a sitcom/postcard. The only catch is that my husband has literally zero libido and won't have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 381

By areyouserious - 29/02/2012 10:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 560

You deserved it 37 282

By imsorrytimmy - 02/04/2009 15:34 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 957

You deserved it 114 273

Ah, young love…

By HotAsTits - 20/03/2011 20:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 021

You deserved it 10 492

By ManderDander - 05/09/2015 18:48 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 974

You deserved it 8 210

By S…… - 09/01/2011 10:18 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 414

You deserved it 5 771

Priority number one

By soooyeah - 30/04/2009 12:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 030

You deserved it 18 556

TMI Mom

By Grossed out - 14/02/2009 21:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 456

You deserved it 7 296

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my mother called me "wasteful" because I left the refrigerator door open and that "electricity money doesn’t grow on trees." This is the same person who lets my little sister have her light on all night, because she’s scared of the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 1 444

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 945

You deserved it 5 685

Today, my idiot daughter is sat next to me crying because she took her ex to court for child support, convinced she was gonna get paid, even though her kids live with their dad full time. Now she's paying HIM child support and can’t afford her flat anymore, so she wants to move in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 136

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 726

You deserved it 5 497

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 877

You deserved it 3 112

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 592

You deserved it 3 784