lexington23

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Lexington23's favorite FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/05/2014 22:11 - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

agreeclassic 46 401

vote type 1 13 713

By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 05/01/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

agreeclassic 44 093

vote type 1 4 973

Spooked

By awkwardpartybear - 04/01/2014 23:43 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

agreeclassic 44 870

vote type 1 17 641

My brother, the doofus

By AshlynnPrime - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

agreeclassic 42 366

vote type 1 3 221

By Haberdashing - 13/11/2013 20:10 - United States - Rochester

Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 44 997

vote type 1 4 050

Haberdashing app_comment_confession_title

Haberdashing 13

Thursday 14 November 2013 8:04

Wow. This was my FML. It was my first time giving blood. I'd tried once before but my hemoglobin was too low. So I made sure to eat lots of iron rich foods the weeks before and was fine this time. Everything went really well. But when I got settled at the table with the snacks where they make you wait for 15 minutes I started to feel a bit dizzy. I fainted then. I'd been in the middle of eating my cookie, so it wasn't that odd. The wonderful people there caught me and lowered me to the floor, and I was only out for about 20 seconds. When I woke I was just really confused, and all I could really coherently think was "I have a half chewed cookie in my mouth," and I couldn't figure out how to swallow. They gave me juice and ice and I went back to my dorm to lay down until class. I think it actually went really well, and I'm excited to give blood in the future. I'll just have a larger breakfast and stay laying down for longer.