App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    younggrammy - 20/08/2009 20:15 - United States

    Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
    61 252
    45 535
      

    Anonymous - 18/05/2016 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

    Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML
    11 792
    1 657
      

    KEEP OUT

    Awkward - - United States - Redmond

    Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML
    42 436
    15 497
      

    newbornphotog - 03/05/2016 13:20 - Germany - Berchtesgaden

    Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML
    11 829
    2 148
      

    Revelations

    pey - 21/05/2020 14:00

    Today, my boss told me I had to fire my co-worker. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't want to lose my job. I told my co-worker that the boss said we had to let him go. He told me that he had sex with my wife. My wife didn't deny it. FML
    2 678
    166
      

    Jessika - 07/08/2009 09:18 - United Kingdom

    Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML
    48 630
    3 898
      

    Asshats everywhere

    404 justice not found - 21/04/2016 19:15 - United States - Whitehall

    Today, I've suffered 3 months of my neighbor blasting his music so loud, it shakes my apartment floor. None of my noise complaints are ever followed up, but the moment I give him a piece of my mind, he calls the cops, and they threaten me with jail time over a few curse words. FML
    20 336
    1 570
      

    fuck's sake - 16/04/2016 10:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

    Today, I went to a karaoke bar for the first time. I'd never sung in front of others, but I gave it a try. I was accused of being way too drunk and was asked to leave. I didn't get kicked out in the end, but I was told that my singing voice sounds like a dying goat. FML
    19 095
    2 098
      

    Gross

    ew - 12/04/2016 17:53 - United States

    Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML
    22 152
    3 070
      

    nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

    Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
    9 559
    39 028
      

    Dress you up

    NotTheFavoriteChild - 03/04/2016 16:53

    Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess…" I showered, shaved, and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML
    20 498
    1 622
      

    Anonymous - 28/08/2018 06:00

    Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML
    3 064
    356
      

    Life hacks

    Zibby - 11/02/2011 05:51

    Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML
    10 492
    80 918
      

    NotAnUglyBaby - 22/03/2016 22:40 - Mexico - Córdoba

    Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML
    20 372
    1 934
      

    FD4 - 15/09/2018 14:30

    Today, my girlfriend's parents asked if I could move their car. I started the engine and began to accelerate, not noticing that the automatic transmission was on R. I drove right into a wall behind me, shattering the rear lights. Now I owe them $150 for repairs. FML
    1 312
    3 248
      

    Just a prank, bro

    unlucky dudebag - - United States

    Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML
    39 331
    4 751
      

    Anonymous - 10/03/2016 01:46 - United States

    Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML
    19 456
    2 816
      

    twofade - 24/10/2018 23:00 - United States

    Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML
    2 842
    342
      

    oink401 - 05/11/2011 15:40 - Canada

    Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML
    60 997
    4 381
      

    Anonymous - 12/02/2016 00:15 - United States - San Francisco

    Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML
    20 926
    2 441
      

    susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

    Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML
    3 033
    315
      

    Anonymous - 06/02/2016 02:16 - Canada - Richmond Hill

    Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML
    23 168
    1 654
      

    independant - 08/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Corvallis

    Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML
    2 770
    570
      

    itsjustemcee - 02/02/2016 03:23 - United States

    Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML
    23 594
    1 625
      

    Bad boy

    Nebraskawreck - 22/11/2018 13:30

    Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag, and parts of our wall. FML
    2 683
    414
      

    Anonymous - 12/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Valencia

    Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
    52 609
    4 566
      

    **** me, I guess

    Anonymous - - United Kingdom - London

    Today, I was fired. Not only was I fired with no warning, not only was my friend the one who fired me, but I was fired from the unpaid volunteering position I took to help her out. FML
    21 788
    2 306
      

    Fight yoga, try stress

    Anonymous - - United States - Craig

    Today, I'm so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML
    18 247
    5 565
      

    Going to work naked tomorrow - 11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

    Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML
    2 239
    230
      

    Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

    Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.
    1 718
    1 302
      
    • 277
    • 278
    • 279
    • 280
    • 281
    • 282
    • 283
    • 284
    • 285
    • 286

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML
    54 659
    8 445
    Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML
    13 284
    41 385
    Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML
    45 700
    13 967
    Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
    69 723
    4 580
    Today, one of my sisters is getting married to the guy who bullied me so badly in high school I attempted suicide twice. She insists he’s changed, like I’m supposed to give a fuck. Every time he comes in the house, I want to either run and hide, or stab him in the face and cut off his balls. FML
    1 640
    191
    Today, I spent an hour blaming my dog for a weird smell in the house. I even gave him a lecture about “being a good boy.” I later realized the smell was coming from the ham and cheese omelet I'd left in the microwave two days ago. FML
    74
    642

    © VDM SAS,

    ​