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OP, here. Soooo.. I'm not a guy. And my friend is bisexual. But I thought it was great that you all thought I was a male, that and (most) of your comments actually made me feel better. For the other comments.. I know I deserved it, but it did suck, especially since I really didn't want to ask, but I thought "why not??".. Yeahhh.. I think I found out why not. ANYWAYS! For starters, we met when we were in middle school, I didn't have those kind of feelings for her back then. They've really just developed over the past few years. I haven't been in love with her for 9 years, that's just how long we've been friends. Okay, so this actually happened over a span of two days. The day I asked her out, she kind of freaked out, but she said it wasn't in a "bad" way. She mentioned that she had thought about a relationship with me in the past, and she was shocked that I was finally asking after so long, BUT that she needed time to think. I assumed that meant no, and I was assuming she would say no from the start. I asked her to just say no if she didn't want to, that I'm fine with it. She didn't answer when I said it, and she waited until the next day to answer.. with the puppy analogy. At first, she just drew "two girls = a girl with a dog" and gave me the drawing. I didn't know what that meant, so then she actually said what she meant it out loud. I was a bit annoyed that she didn't say no, she chose to choose an analogy. Honestly, a no would have been better (and less confusing.) I'm sure she didn't mean it in a bad way, she's not the greatest with words, but it hurt. I felt like it was a double smack in the face. We're still friends and I have no intentions of changing that. Anyhoo, thanks for the sweet comments. Hopefully some day I'll find "The One" and they won't think I'm a puppy. :*

Hey guys its me OP, To clarify, my mom told me that she was planning to do this only if the Heimlich maneuver did not work. I was choking on the chip pretty badly and could not breathe so she was thinking about the worst possible scenario. Luckily, I got it out and I am fine and no throats were cut. (This time). When she told me about her (bad) plan to perform a tracheotomy I told her about the scene with Sandra Bullock in The Heat and the dangers of doing one without training (and that TV does not count as training). I also may have mentioned that I would rather choke out and die than have my throat cut open with a steak knife on the kitchen floor.... Thanks for all of your comments! -OP

OP here, I didn't expect this to get posted so I made an account :) Your comments genuinely made me laugh! Since this got posted, here's some background for you: this happened to me two years ago, after I had worked for them for over a decade. While it wasn't the greatest job in the world, it felt like a calling to me. There's nothing I love more than making people (especially children) laugh. I later found out that they fired me because my boss wanted to impress his new girlfriend by giving her niece (who happens to be a chimp handler/animal trainer) a job. It was a small company and they couldn't afford to keep the both of us on, so I had to go :( But it's all good, I got lucky and found myself a similar job with better pay and benefits. :)

Hey y'all OP here- I wasn't really expecting for this to get published! Just here to answer a few questions. First off, this obviously didn't just start happening today, it been an ongoing issue since February-- that's just how FML works. Secondly, I'm 17 years old which means I've been experiencing this all while in high school, which has been SUPER fun. But yes, I've had an MRI, several sonograms, lots of blood work taken and tested, and I took a very intense allergy test. The only thing all of that revealed was that I had a minor milk allergy. So I've completely cut out all milk (which FYI, you'd be surprised at how many things have milk in them), with still no change. I've tried several medications, some of which have provided their own not-so-fun side effects. But at this point I'm just trying to treat it with vitamins and by lowering my stress levels. All my friends and family know about, so I always carry a barf bag and tooth brush with me. Hopefully it will go away on its own, because it's really not as fun as it sounds. Thanks for your kind comments and helpful suggestions though!!

Hey there! OP here. I am completely alive and well although I have developed a hatred for hornets. On the plus side, I did get a pretty badass nickname! - Hornet Bait (RHChiliPeppers)