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Lol. I'm not overweight. I just have meaty thighs. Yet my calves are... veryyy skinny. I do have me some moobs though! Lol. And a bit of a belly. I was trying to be funny not complain about being fat, lol. But its not really that obvious. But you know. Always appreciate these nice comments. (Hint thats sarcasm. Besides the few that were nice.

By newswithabitofbite - 28/08/2014 10:31 - Australia - Richmond

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 878

You deserved it 3 232

By gracehi - 10/09/2015 17:45 - United States - San Diego

Today, after studying for hours a day for the past month, sacrificing weekends and time with my husband, I finally took the exam required for a possible promotion at work. Out of over a hundred questions, I only knew the answer to 3 of them for sure. Boy, am I glad I studied so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 682

You deserved it 4 587

gracehi tells us more.

gracehi 31

Friday 11 September 2015 5:01

YES? I was waiting for someone to say that! I'm guessing you and I are in the same boat. But who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky and we'll both be second classes in a few months.

Noise annoys

By dear god why - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my parents were screaming so loud about who clogged the toilet that a neighbor called the police because they thought someone was in danger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 997

You deserved it 3 986

By ak. - 02/03/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 712

You deserved it 11 372

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me several flowers and chocolate boxes to my office. It ends up that he cheated on me with my sister and tried to break the news to me after all the presents he sent. I thought he actually remembered our anniversary this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 570

You deserved it 2 828

By FML - 02/02/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 863

You deserved it 10 207

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 18:55 - Europe

Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 724

You deserved it 1 741

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend had to give me an enema. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 391

You deserved it 4 417

By Anonymous - 27/06/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I found out that a co-worker of mine that I had originally hired, trained, and mentored to work in my department for the past 4 years had just got the promotion that I had applied for. He is now my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 978

You deserved it 5 436

Pranks are evil

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my sister shaved a chunk of my hair off while I was sleeping. I'm getting married in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 829

You deserved it 1 664

By Username - 06/11/2010 05:18 - France

Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 661

You deserved it 15 743

Toxic much?

By tlm84 - 28/07/2014 02:54 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 682

You deserved it 5 070

Less haste, more speed

By Ouch - 20/05/2012 04:06 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 610

You deserved it 26 813

By aaaaahhhh - 06/04/2013 08:51 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 867

You deserved it 7 545

By Wlanla - 02/08/2015 11:39 - Romania - Bacau

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 777

You deserved it 2 575

By KaylaRox1908 - 08/07/2015 02:45 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 247

HappyItalian tells us more.

HappyItalian 38

Wednesday 8 July 2015 17:34

The movie was Terminator: Genisys. The theatre was completely full so I couldn't switch seats. The guy was with a friend so they both thought it was hilarious and continued to do it even for the after-credits scene when almost everyone was gone. On a side note, I can't believe out of all the FML's I've posted over the years this is the one that got published, haha. Nice thing to wake up to in the morning before a job interview! (Hopefully that's not another FML waiting to happen)