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Op here. Got an account to commentnt on this. No I am not on drugs. I know this spider is real because I killed it and I am not sure if I have schizophrenia.

Smooth talker

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 798

You deserved it 8 271

By I should have kept my mouth shut - 23/01/2013 01:35 - United States - Davis

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 4 619

By broken - 28/07/2009 17:12 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 664

You deserved it 3 837

By :/ - 01/10/2013 10:18

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 262

You deserved it 17 502

By POLYBLOT - 30/06/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I took chocolax to help lose some weight before I left for Miami. Turns out it doesn't happen right away like in the movies, it happens six hours later in front of your girlfriends parents, that you've just met for the first time at a very upperclass restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 961

You deserved it 56 129

By SummerJob - 06/09/2012 16:51

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 052

You deserved it 4 784

By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 7 914

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 02:39 - Reserved

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 7 032

It's a conspiracy!

By Help - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 763

You deserved it 2 984

Stuck

By clutzasaurus - 03/05/2013 05:35 - United States - Odessa

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 939

You deserved it 3 460

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I got a phone call, and the person on the other line started speaking French. I assumed it was my friend, since we usually speak French with each other, so I said in French, "What do you want, asshole?" It wasn't my friend. It was a representative for the exchange program I'm applying for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 022

You deserved it 97 506

By damselfly - 27/03/2012 00:28 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my roommate and I realised our freezer hasn't been working for days. This would be slightly less awful if she hadn't been storing dead rats for her pet snakes in there. Let's just say the smell is interesting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 512

You deserved it 2 892

damselfly tells us more.

damselfly 7

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:26

OP here--had to get an FML account to comment. To my roommate's credit, she had the mess all cleaned up by the time I got home--only the smell was left. I can't blame her for having snakes, either, since I moved into the apartment knowing she had them, and being ok with it. Can't say I'm too thrilled with her storing the rats in the freezer, but they do have to eat, and I least I was able to put my foot down on her thawing them in the oven (seriously, WTF?). A couple of people asked why she was feeding her snakes dead rats. Apparently, it's pretty controversial among snake owners, but most people feel it's inhumane to feed live. You'd be surprised, but feeding live is actually very dangerous to the snake--since the feeder rats can't run away (being in a tank with a snake), they fight instead. My roommate has a rescued snake whose last owners fed it live--the poor thing is covered with scars. Snakes can die that way. @18--Sadly, I know exactly what rotted snake smells like...*sigh* Roommate got ahold of a dead Burmese python (it was not a pet), and wanted to preserve the skeleton for educational purposes, but didn't get the right beetles ahead of time. I said there was absolutely no way it was coming in the house, but she did, once (to try a different method of getting the flesh off the bones). It was...unbelievable. Had no idea something could smell that bad. That was actually just 2 weeks ago, and the smell only just got out when the rat incident happened. I'm too tolerant, methinks. She's what you might call eccentric. @12--Thanks for the advice about the vaccuum sealer :) She said she'd thought of it, but can't afford it right now.