The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By MrRadin - 04/12/2015 05:31 - France

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 48

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 23:07 - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 521

You deserved it 5 647

By breeeeeh - 21/06/2013 22:18 - France - Brou-sur-chantereine

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 688

You deserved it 70 004

By Auston - 17/07/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 627

You deserved it 5 183

By asianjoe - 11/07/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 855

You deserved it 2 793

By crazyk2468 - 26/04/2012 17:29 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 752

You deserved it 2 580

Wait and see

By me. - 18/06/2011 23:54 - United States

Today, I was on a flight home. I wasn't going to arrive until midnight, so I was offered an earlier flight that got back at ten. I got to baggage claims and it turned out they lost my bag. I sat there for 2 hours. The people on my original flight left for home before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 874

You deserved it 3 838

By TwiceDaily,Kids - 06/04/2012 00:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got pissed when I told her she needed to brush her teeth more than once a day. I could smell her breath from across the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 989

You deserved it 5 144

Great parenting, Patricia

By HeMayHaveSomeIssues - 28/02/2014 20:01 - Denmark

Today, I left for work. Halfway to my car, my neighbour's son jumped out and emptied a bucket of water all over me. The little pissant screamed with laughter and ran back to his house. His mum's reaction was essentially, "Kids will be kids" and slamming the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 445

You deserved it 3 681

By My mom - 18/03/2010 01:10 - France

Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 12 228

By lrgenesis - 04/02/2012 08:13 - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 2 833

No diggity

By bullllllshittttt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a rave where apparently one of my favorite rappers was supposed to perform. I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain, got pushed and shoved, and had to witness a bunch of drunken idiots puke all over the place. Once I finally got to the front of the line, they closed the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 838

You deserved it 6 703

By lydiacoolness - 08/08/2009 02:27 - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 602

You deserved it 6 497

So close…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 305

You deserved it 7 433

This is shit

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 01:22 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I realised it takes me longer to take a dump than it does to have sex with my boyfriend. I also realised taking a dump is more satisfying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 825

You deserved it 6 589

Gaslighting

By -__- - 11/08/2013 16:26 - Greece - Athens

Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering, "You want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 013

You deserved it 5 742

By Sansa - 22/10/2014 21:30 - Netherlands - Velp

Today, I had sex for the first time with my first boyfriend. We broke up 6 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 10 592

Sansa_fml tells us more.

Sansa_fml 38

Thursday 23 October 2014 22:26

OP here. Just wanted to make clear that I wasn't drunk and he wasn't either. I still like this guy. Every time I see him I'm falling in love again. Point is that I'm really affraid this wil not work out (I hope it does, but still) And i'm not the type of girl who has sex with anyone this easy, so I'm really confused what to do with it. I guess I'll find out.

By im_not_me - 09/12/2009 12:31 - Australia

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 490

You deserved it 2 738

Who the f***?

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to find out I'd had a wet dream last night. About someone other than my girlfriend. I don't remember anything about the dream, but my girlfriend remembers everything because apparently I talked throughout my dream, and she was right next to me listening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 952

You deserved it 5 951

Charming dude

By unzucht - 30/05/2012 16:45 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 757

You deserved it 2 501

By Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you. - 19/06/2014 21:05 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to see the photos of my wedding, which he didn't bother to come to. Reply: "What the fuck, are you gay or something? Keep that homo stuff to yourself." My wife started laughing so hard she was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 838

You deserved it 5 402

Assumptions

By Hahamaster333 - 28/03/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 836

You deserved it 75 470

By pigeons_suck - 11/05/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 439

You deserved it 2 808

By Garry - 04/03/2010 12:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half carving a block of cheese to make cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 011

You deserved it 5 757

By Lin - 02/03/2010 05:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at a concert and an older man offered to let me stand in front of him because I'm short. It wasn't until the show started and people were jumping around did I realize he had a boner and was repeatedly bumping into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 184

You deserved it 3 032

By Kallian - 09/11/2012 06:47 - Australia

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 809

You deserved it 28 045

Kallian_fml tells us more.

Kallian_fml 21

Friday 9 November 2012 17:02

18- It WAS a shit faced awesome night. 12- Yeah, I kinda was tripping.

By city_girl - 04/02/2010 06:34 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended. In possibly the scariest part of downtown. At night. By a man who spoke hardly any English but managed to ask if I would go out dancing with him instead of calling my insurance company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 066

You deserved it 2 554

By porkeater - 16/07/2009 15:02 - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "My mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 413

You deserved it 13 653

By SLOMan90 - 26/01/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 358

You deserved it 3 784

By Asian - 07/02/2016 19:03 - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 967

You deserved it 1 870

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, while I was walking across a bridge, a prepubescent middle schooler grabbed my phone from my hand and threw it into the water. His friend filmed it, high-fived him, and they both ran off. I got that phone less than a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 066

You deserved it 1 740

Today, I was supposed to perform my first concert in front of a crowded audience. As we were about to go on stage, my band decided to roll a joint outside. The cops just happened to pass by, and now I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 581

You deserved it 5 024

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 233

You deserved it 23 634

Today, I ordered a pizza with extra cheese and no tomatoes. The pizza delivery guy handed me the box, and as I opened it, I discovered that they had delivered me a pizza… with only tomatoes and no cheese. I called the pizza place to complain, but they just said, “Well, tomatoes are technically fruit, so it’s healthy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 111

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 989

You deserved it 2 686

Today, I arrived at my best friend's wedding and found out that my invitation was no longer valid. His brother tried to explain that they'd decided to make the ceremony for family members only, then two our classmates popped out to say hello. They're not related, neither to my friend nor to his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 125