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By DreamStatic - 29/07/2013 02:16 - United States - Hinesville

Today, while using a restroom in Walmart, an old lady with a cane hobbled in screaming, "I smell someone making sin!" She would not stop tapping on the door with her cane till I came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 727

You deserved it 3 186

DreamStatic tells us more.

DreamStatic 8

Monday 29 July 2013 17:31

Forgive me FML, for I have sinned.

By SquishFish - 17/08/2012 04:08 - United States - Westport

Today, my boyfriend was coming home after a month of being away. When I heard him knock on the door, I rushed to open it and jumped into his arms for a hug. It wasn't him; it was the mailman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 7 680

SquishFish tells us more.

SquishFish 15

Friday 17 August 2012 16:37

Haha I'm OP. Well our door is solid so i couldn't see him. He was supposed to be there soon, so naturally I thought it was him. The mailman looked flustered for a moment (he was an awesome old guy) and then he smiled saying "Wow someone is excited about getting the mail!"

Disorderly conduct

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 04/07/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 794

You deserved it 12 471

By rkbkate - 11/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Phenix City

Today, my brother was playing with the pepper spray on my key chain. He didn't think it was real, so to test it he sprayed me in the mouth while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 538

You deserved it 2 880

rkbkate tells us more.

rkbkate 6

Wednesday 11 July 2012 18:22

This was my post thanks for all the comments guys Haha my brother has a rude awakening coming soon Haha and he is no longer able to touch my keys.

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 714

You deserved it 5 902

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 700

You deserved it 6 404

By Uknowwh - 04/11/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend and the guy I had a crush on for 2 years are getting married. The worst part is that they've been dating for 2 years in secret, and just came out about it now. I've been telling her for 2 years how much I like him, and she's encouraged me the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 319

You deserved it 4 139

By Giulii - 02/09/2010 05:54 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I have a picture on facebook in which I'm touching the crotch of a cardboard cut-out of Obama. My parents insist the FBI will see that and I'll end up in jail. My parents are crazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 061

You deserved it 16 476

Giulii tells us more.

Giulii 0

Thursday 2 September 2010 13:41

I'm the OP. I have a teacher that definitely HATES Obama because she's more than sure that he's a muslim (ignorant, much?) and that's why me and my friends took the picture in the first place. Btw I'm sixteen and a girl, I know it was something dumb to do, but still my parents had no right to ground me based on how I 'misuse Facebook' .-.

Um… you what now?

By intheairtonight - 25/04/2012 06:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 723

You deserved it 3 167

By hAHAha Halo - 02/08/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's father offered her $10 to stop talking to me. I don't have a girlfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 868

You deserved it 5 153

By Emma Five - 14/03/2012 03:22 - United States

Today, my dad was driving me to college. I'd cracked a joke about how old people like him shouldn't be allowed to drive, and I guess he took it personally, what with him speeding straight up to the parking lot wall, and only braking after I started shrieking in terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 605

You deserved it 32 291

Y'all need him!

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 856

You deserved it 3 533

You OK, hun?

By seizuregirl17 - 19/11/2013 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 544

You deserved it 2 911

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 13:59 - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 477

You deserved it 7 858

By Anonymous - 20/11/2011 00:21 - United States

Today, I went outside for a cigarette since I don't like smoking in the house. When I was done, I stomped it out. I wasn't wearing shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 130

You deserved it 66 213

By WeightAMinute - 09/07/2009 01:28 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend who dumped me after 2 1/2 years because I got fat. The last two years I've lost 68 lbs, am happier and couldn't wait to shove that in his face. So, of course the first time he see's me I'm alone, pushing a shopping cart full of ice cream for a party later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 785

You deserved it 6 331

Collector's items

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled, "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 885

You deserved it 4 084

By ash - 14/01/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 192

You deserved it 16 145

By Anonymous - 03/09/2013 19:50 - United States

Today, I had to visit a client because his printer had broken down. After driving for an hour, then being screamed at about how horrible my company's service is, I walked over to his printer and found the problem: there was no paper loaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 3 129

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 10:03 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, the Salvation Army stationed one of their obnoxious bell-ringers in the mall right outside my store. My employees and I can wave goodbye to any form of sanity for the next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 885

You deserved it 5 182

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 19:15 - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 110

You deserved it 3 141

Bad start

By Nathan - 23/03/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 353

You deserved it 7 878

Clear and precise

By Anonymous - 26/09/2009 23:02 - Canada

Today, I wrote to the guy whom I am in love with to tell him how I feel about him. He was very calm and told me to give him some time to think it over. Later in the day, I found out he blocked my number and rejected me on Facebook. But, the worst part is he then texted me saying, "This is my reply". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 335

You deserved it 5 079

By dsamanthas - 23/02/2014 08:10 - United States - Covina

Today, after being worried for a week because my dog wasn't eating, I paid the vet $120 for her to tell me that my dog doesn't like her dog food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 677

You deserved it 8 355

By kenyaliving - 13/02/2013 22:04 - Kenya

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 909

You deserved it 5 594

Unloading

By thanksmom - 09/01/2013 19:57 - United States - Tucson

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 673

You deserved it 7 798

By speaknoevil1 - 29/01/2016 06:03 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 775

You deserved it 1 646

speaknoevil1 tells us more.

speaknoevil1 5

Saturday 30 January 2016 21:50

Hey guys! OP here. So let me explain what happened a little more. My friend and I are studying the same thing and the job is related to our field. I told her that I was applying there because I thought she would do the same thing if she would've found out about the opportunity. She only likes to take initiative when she thinks I'm going to be doing something that furthers my career and takes it like a competition. Anyway, she applied almost immediately after i told her and got an interview on the same day as I did. The mix up was due to a new intern mixing up our resumes since we came in at about the same time and we have similar backgrounds. The manager called and said he would handle it if I wanted to and I was about to say yes (because I was agitated on how unfair it was) and something stopped me. I didn't want to lose a friend over a job and she is quite grudgeful so I don't need that in my life. As fate would have it, I was offered an even better paid internship in Europe working along really great people and I couldn't be happier. Wow this is long but, anyway, thanks for everyone's advice!

By Crippled - 27/12/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my parents bought me an alarm clock that runs away from you while beeping obnoxiously when you hit snooze. I just had ankle surgery and am unable to walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 693

You deserved it 2 897