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Hi, it's the OP here. I'd just like to say, thanks for all the laughs in the comments, may have made the trip down to the ER worth it. Looks looks like no kind of coffee is in my future, after this happening my first time trying it, after being prodded by an older sibling who brought me (to the bar). I'm sure this will be a story to laugh about for years to come - and a lesson to all: move the cup first. ?

By snowlover - 16/02/2014 07:37 - United States - Fremont

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 756

You deserved it 6 651

By no tp - 15/02/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 8 340

By chubbyreddevil - 31/01/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 760

You deserved it 2 400

The inconsistent gardener

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 309

You deserved it 11 037

Happy now?

By minime94 - 15/11/2012 06:35 - United States - Sunset

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 389

You deserved it 2 558

Good boy

By bonertoolong - 23/11/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 568

You deserved it 24 112

By Username - 12/11/2011 02:04 - United States

Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 017

You deserved it 2 917

Major red flag

By notpregnant - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Italy

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to "see if I would look hot even when pregnant". We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 993

You deserved it 5 379

By Anonymous - 22/06/2013 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 210

You deserved it 3 416

By tht1chk - 31/10/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 695

You deserved it 30 726

Quota

By lazy pregnant girl - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that because he works fifty hours a week, I should be meeting an arbitrary quota of fifty hours of housework, and if I don't, I'm insensitive and ungrateful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 263

You deserved it 10 509

By rink.attendant.6 - 21/06/2012 15:40 - Canada - Dryden

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 147

You deserved it 3 614

By smoothmove - 26/06/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 779

You deserved it 4 767

By Anonymous - 07/08/2015 17:31 - United States - Newark

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 1 904

By Charon - 09/10/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouted, "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 405

You deserved it 3 857

By fedemere - 28/05/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 945

You deserved it 4 689

Why dude?

By yessir - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 621

You deserved it 28 648

By JP - 18/06/2009 16:11 - Italy

Today, I went to the bank to make a withdrawal in order to celebrate my last day here in Italy with my friends. Apparently I'm overdrawn by 187 dollars so I'm eating nothing but leftover stale crackers to survive until I get free plane food on my way back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 021

You deserved it 48 020

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 04:24 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 394

You deserved it 4 149

By Potforapeso - 01/10/2014 02:30 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 505

You deserved it 5 306

By nutrigrain123 - 23/05/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 572

You deserved it 27 583

Your fault!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 06:04 - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 579

You deserved it 4 141

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 436

You deserved it 8 402

By jerk_ex_boyfriend - 21/04/2013 13:33 - United States - Narberth

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 463

You deserved it 6 181

Old habits die hard

By atsukobo - 10/03/2012 06:04 - United States

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 690

You deserved it 4 835

By CptZoe - 29/02/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 792

You deserved it 16 495

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my mother said she called our internet provider, and told them to cancel it. In rage, I left for a friends house for a couple of hours. When I got home, she told me she was joking, and wanted me out of the house so she could eat all the ice-cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 489

You deserved it 39 424

Today, I learned that my brakes don't work anymore on my bike. When did I learn this? While speeding down a really steep hill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 431

You deserved it 5 404

Today, my boyfriend of three years decided to propose. It would’ve been perfect, except he did it during my family’s annual backyard BBQ, and his proposal was drowned out by my drunk uncle singing karaoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 94

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl who often comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out by writing my number on a dollar bill. She paid and the amount her change happened to be a dollar. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 345

You deserved it 18 176

Today, after years of difficulty, I finally found the perfect shade of foundation that matches my ultra-pale complexion. It's called "Death Flesh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 502

You deserved it 2 360

Today, while my boyfriend was fingering me, he accidentally pulled out my NuvaRing, he then licked it off and placed it back inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 545