The Top

haha the comments are all great. I'll clarify a couple things: 1) I accidentally left my stick-on bra cups in a main part of the house where he easily found them 2) I was embarrassed that he found them and that I caught him but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It's "FML" because my dad was squishing my bras. It's "YDI" because I left them out where he found them. I decided it was better to not embarrass both of us by confronting him and explaining what they are, so I just pretended I didn't notice and left the room.

By Kristopher - 08/03/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 627

You deserved it 3 538

By Anonymous - 11/04/2015 20:55 - Australia - Caroline Springs

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 407

You deserved it 3 287

By themuffinman - 27/12/2011 15:15 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 725

You deserved it 3 237

By sigh - 21/12/2011 12:39 - United States

Today, I was called a "whore," a "demon," a "piece of shit," and a "disrespectful bitch." All of this happened because I wouldn't let my mother-in-law borrow my car. This is a woman with multiple speeding tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 133

You deserved it 3 113

By pancakelicious - 04/10/2013 11:16 - New Zealand

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 667

You deserved it 5 059

pancakelicious tells us more.

pancakelicious 6

Saturday 5 October 2013 2:49

To everyone concerned: Yes, I washed my hands afterwards. Also, I couldn't refuse the money since my boss was nearby and watching my every move.

By curlyisnogood - 10/01/2011 00:19

Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 249

You deserved it 3 764

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 524

You deserved it 7 498

By great - 20/07/2012 10:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 553

You deserved it 31 433

By CooBerry3851 - 28/08/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. After knocking on the door, I was greeted by her hairy, 300+ pound father in his underwear. He then hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 724

You deserved it 3 259

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my long hair cut in a short pixie cut. When my five year old daughter saw me she laughed and proclaimed 'You look just like a man!'. That afternoon I got a concerned call from the school. My daughter has told everyone 'mummy has gone away, I now have two daddies!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 287

You deserved it 8 281

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 442

You deserved it 5 174

By kashish0711 - 02/08/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 721

You deserved it 3 187

By Emptyspace - 25/06/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 645

You deserved it 4 191

By HollyJollyXmas - 09/06/2013 15:40 - United States

Today, I spent my last day at the hospital for a long epilepsy test. Apparently, I don't have epilepsy at all, but I do have extreme stress. This means that I've been taking several anti-seizure medications that ruined my college plans and made me sick for half a year, all for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 175

You deserved it 4 586

HollyJollyXmas tells us more.

HollyJollyXmas 6

Sunday 9 June 2013 20:16

This wasn't a recent event but happened a year ago. To those who say I should be grateful, I am! I am so very grateful and I view life in a more positive life. I'm a strong advocate for Epilepsy and against Ableism in any form. It really was an event that changed my life. When it comes to college, if I didn't have this health scare, I'd still probably be on the path to become a teacher, not making my art a career. To those who ask, "Why not have the test in the first place?!" It's not that simple. First they take MRI's then EEG's. I had several of those over the course of time. The test was a last resort when my Neurologist couldn't figure out why the strongest meds weren't helping me. So I went to John Hopkins for a week long EEG test. This was me sitting in bed with wires all attached to my head. This is not a light test but a test to really see if there was something really wrong with my mind. But after all this, I'm glad it's just psychogenic seizures, not real epilepsy. But the whole experience was a life changer.

By anonymous4991 - 04/05/2012 00:39 - United States - Denver

Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 513

You deserved it 33 867

anonymous4991 tells us more.

anonymous4991 5

Friday 4 May 2012 21:36

From the poster: I fully expected to a lot of "you deserved it" I just thought it was too funny not to share with the world. Yes, I was talking about petting an actual feline. No, I do not talk to myself while masturbating or have regular conversations with the cat. My neighbor's porch is a couple feet from my window and I can hear all of their conversations too. I am dating someone and have gotten laid recently. I think it is hilarious they put it in the "intimacy" section.