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By thismakesmesad - 07/09/2011 16:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I received an email from my boyfriend. It contained a link to a site that was titled "How to Give Head". It also said "Have a nice day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 468

You deserved it 7 593

By KatrinaKitten - 16/07/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook the food right in front of you. Our chef tossed an egg in the air, but sadly didn't catch it. Don't worry though, my hair got it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 093

You deserved it 3 555

By Ouchies - 01/10/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 307

You deserved it 3 801

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 13:43 - United States - Boise

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 972

You deserved it 12 001

By Elisa_LmR - 03/01/2014 23:28 - France

Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 566

You deserved it 8 638

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 468

You deserved it 7 548

By Anonymous - 01/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 386

You deserved it 4 403

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 132

You deserved it 3 668

Ironic, isn't it?

By KC. - 25/04/2012 20:06 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 527

You deserved it 8 750

By anun - 14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 050

You deserved it 7 103

By Anonymous - 30/08/2011 14:12 - United States

Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 701

You deserved it 8 551

By Username - 13/08/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 674

You deserved it 5 534

By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 150

You deserved it 48 342

By Anonymous - 13/08/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to hack my Facebook and "like" everybody's statuses. This includes my boyfriend's about his grandmother dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 344

You deserved it 6 161

By anonymous - 16/07/2015 22:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 216

You deserved it 5 174

By drew_ar85 - 20/03/2010 16:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 125

You deserved it 6 704

Menace 2 society

By Anonymous - 14/01/2012 18:26 - United States

Today, my future mother-in-law started shit-talking me on Facebook, and we got into a heated argument. She called me later in the day, saying I'll be lucky if I ever marry her son and that, "You'll suffer to your last breath." I'm now terrified to set foot outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 252

You deserved it 6 041

By bw9669 - 28/01/2010 19:35 - Canada

Today, I had to cancel all of the plans to go away on a romantic weekend with my boyfriend. My parents are going out of town for a night and I have to stay home a babysit my little sister. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 781

You deserved it 5 122

By mybfthecrossdresser - 20/01/2015 15:08 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 966

You deserved it 4 009

By LonelyShowers - 04/07/2012 05:36 - United States - Mission Hills

Today, my boyfriend pointed out that the water bill is getting kind of high. I suggested that we shower together to save water. He said he'd rather deal with the high water bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 186

You deserved it 4 078

By nerdsgetmehot - 18/06/2012 16:05 - United States - Oregon City

Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 263

You deserved it 2 286

nerdsgetmehot tells us more.

nerdsgetmehot 22

Tuesday 19 June 2012 18:24

So...A little back story. I went to the doctor to get tests because I often feel faint and dizzy in the mornings and it's quite an inconvenience. Just last week, when I took my cat to the vet, I ended up starting to black out randomly. Pretty embarrassing and obviously super inconvenient, as I had to drive home afterwards and was doubtful about whether or not I was okay enough to drive home. I get to the verge of fainting often enough to concern me. I've gotten a few tests over the years, but my doctor remains largely unconcerned about it. She thinks it's just my very low blood pressure, but I do everything I can to help that. I drink lots of water, eat salty snacks, and never get up too quickly-- but it doesn't help. So, ironically, I ended up fainting at a doctors' appointment to look into why I keep almost fainting. To answer some frequently asked questions: No, the nurse wasn't "impressed." I'm a female. Also, I think me lying on the floor immobile kind of killed the mood.

By BbyDelight - 27/04/2009 03:39 - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 818

You deserved it 8 648

By PollingLow - 10/05/2012 15:45 - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 756

You deserved it 2 378

By Anonymous - 14/03/2012 07:33 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for drunk driving. This is the second time its happened. I was completely sober both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 443

You deserved it 16 533

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 18:10 - United States - Omaha

Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 352

You deserved it 2 378

By iGreen - 09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 561

You deserved it 3 632

By spanishsucks - 01/04/2012 03:01 - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 338

You deserved it 2 911

Looking good

By Kbizz - 03/06/2010 02:12 - Canada

Today, I was excited about showing everyone at work my new piercing. It's in an interesting place in my ear, and it's not that common. Before I had the chance to tell anyone about it, someone asked, "Are you wearing a hearing aid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 582

You deserved it 32 421

By Anonymous - 23/12/2012 17:52 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096

You deserved it 13 580

By great - 28/02/2015 16:23 - United States - Porter

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 125

You deserved it 3 375

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The Top

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Today, my elderly mother explained that, "I don't need my glasses to drive, I just need them to see." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 120

You deserved it 3 071

Today, like a drunk idiot, I texted my ex to ask if he maybe still had feelings for me. He texted back that yes, he did still have feelings for me, but then he has a wank and the feelings all disappear down the toilet wrapped in a tissue. Not gonna lie, I cried myself to sleep clutching a bottle of Schnapps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 1 676

Today, my Asian girlfriend broke up with me because I'm not Asian, I'm Irish-American, 100%. She doesn't have a problem with me, though. It's her kids. Her grown children want her dating Asian men. She's 62, I'm 63. Is that like reverse racism when the kids are more racist than the parents? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 141

Today, after a night of vomiting and diarrhoea, my family forced me to our beach house for the night. I packed my bag and my mum said she put my bag in the car. We get there where we realise she forgot to put my bag in the car. Not a big deal I thought. 5 minutes later I shit and vomited myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 239

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 753

You deserved it 363

Today, I went out with a friend to a bar. After several Cosmopolitans, I decided to finally call my ex and tell him everything about how I feel, and how I really miss him. In the end, he said that it’s all so sweet and he will call my later. He hasn't called me since then. Instead, I was blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 1 467