Intimacy, Creepy, Scary and Animals: WTF is this fresh hell?

WTF is this fresh hell?

By swag papi - 22/01/2016 05:47 - Australia - Perth

Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang. I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML

agreeclassic 22 035

vote type 1 8 377

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By megaladon - 28/06/2010 08:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

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By maddie94 - 27/04/2009 09:14 - Australia

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 05:00

Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML

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Waxing and waning

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 22:00 - Germany - Buchholz in der Nordheide

Today, being tired of all the shrubbery growing “downstairs”, I decided to give my lady bits a good waxing. So, naturally, I now have a tiny tear in my right labia and I'm scratching my itchy buttcrack with an old toothbrush. FML

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The passenger

By BurnItOff - 19/04/2024 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

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By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

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By ambushcat - 06/07/2012 03:31 - United States

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

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vote type 1 28 656

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

agreeclassic 13 687

vote type 1 36 239

AndyPurdy 31

Friday 22 January 2016 14:27

...wtf... Go take a shower

PaulChristie 13

Friday 22 January 2016 14:27

That makes me feel genuinely sick.

Comments

team_garra 8

Sunday 24 January 2016 0:12

I think it's time for a new girl friend

tylermt1999 17

Sunday 24 January 2016 17:24

The fact that this is from Australia makes it incredibly more hilarious and mortifying.

Kristen320 21

Monday 25 January 2016 4:03

Crabs.

musicman_amit 20

Monday 25 January 2016 10:51

your body just said : welcome to the jungle

gabbiedelaura 8

Monday 25 January 2016 11:15

that is just too damn funny!

rectalpain 9

Monday 25 January 2016 19:47

Nope the **** out of there

CainBack 1

Monday 25 January 2016 19:57

And Of Course You Live In Australia....

PYROxSYCO3 7

Monday 25 January 2016 20:55

Time to trim

momac86 17

Tuesday 26 January 2016 10:29

Gross dude take a shower nasty

ashton1902 4

Wednesday 27 January 2016 6:31

This is definitely a good enough reason to seriously consider suicide.

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Keywords

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Top

Today, I was using a public restroom when the automatic toilet flushed prematurely. The sudden gush of water startled me so much that I jumped up and slipped, hitting my head on the stall door. A concerned stranger had to help me up. FML

agreeclassic 407

vote type 1 133

Today, after my body has been ravaged, scarred, broken, and mutilated by cancer, my husband says it’s only fair for him to have a side piece, since the treatments to save my life have decimated my sex drive. But don’t worry, it’s just for his physical needs. He won’t “fall in love or anything.” FML

agreeclassic 631

vote type 1 98

Today, my parents got a cat tree for my cats. I tried to tell them it was way too small, but they ignored my protests. Lo and behold, it's way too small. My cats have already fallen down trying to get on it at least three times each. even though one of them is abnormally small. FML

agreeclassic 621

vote type 1 162

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

agreeclassic 18 044

vote type 1 22 938

Today, as I was leaving the office, I heard my very cute coworker behind me say "Hey gorgeous, where are you off to?" I turned around with a smile and said "About to hit up happy hour." He was on the phone with his wife. I'm calling in sick tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 29 486

vote type 1 12 235

Today, my obsessive-compulsive mother barred me from using the toilet she had just cleaned. She told me to wait until tomorrow. FML

agreeclassic 30 592

vote type 1 2 148