When I try to quit junk food By Lewis - 08/12/2018 18:00 I'm not a quitter! agreeclassic 281 vote type 1 94 Share Tweet Share
Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML agreeclassic 1 432 vote type 1 723
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML agreeclassic 28 799 vote type 1 58 795
Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML agreeclassic 33 607 vote type 1 3 950
Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML agreeclassic 203 vote type 1 389
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML agreeclassic 34 872 vote type 1 6 737
Today, I finally finished a drawing of a tiger. The only thing left to do is write the word "Tiger" in Sanskrit and glitter on the portrait, because I thought it would look cool. Only to find out, the Sanskrit word for tiger is "Viagra." No, I'm not kidding. This portrait took me numerous tries and several weeks. FML agreeclassic 689 vote type 1 391
Yup that's me when there is white chocolate in the house 😋