Miscellaneous: Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial...

By allyshah - 20/02/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching TV when an infomercial for "Male enhancement" came on. As I grabbed my phone, my girlfriend said, "Oh honey, don't buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

agreeclassic 52 680

vote type 1 6 382

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By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

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By wtf - 12/07/2009 16:20 - United States

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis." FML

agreeclassic 92 072

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By 504-A1 - 11/05/2012 22:02 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML

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By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to "Listen to this voicemail." I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty, followed by the bed springs bouncing for three minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

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By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

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By Gwayhir - 19/11/2008 04:58 - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

agreeclassic 50 105

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By donkeyd - 05/02/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

agreeclassic 29 922

vote type 1 2 490

And you ask find yourself, "Well, how did I get here?"

By soontobesingle - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

agreeclassic 63 061

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By BlackPolarbear - 23/01/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

agreeclassic 11 141

vote type 1 29 809

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:14

I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.

shinshoku13 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:56

Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him

Comments

bambi_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

shinshoku13 19

Wednesday 28 March 2012 22:56

Why hurt her feelings? This isnt preschool and she didnt mean to hurt his feelings, it actually sounds like she wanted to reasure him

SirDirtyRedD 15

Thursday 21 November 2013 13:48

i agree #61

ridiculous_gnome 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:07

****... thats a scar that will not heal... ever... move on

Alice_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:13

Hopefully it was a joke, albeit a rather tasteless one. Try going for your phone at better times in the future!

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:14

I don't see how that's bad. If she thinks it's okay, it means you satisfy her regardless of size, and she accepts you for you and doesn't want you to be fake... she appreciates your natural beauty.

ryguy997 0

Sunday 11 April 2010 2:52

EXACTLY.

je_tdwp 4

Friday 15 July 2011 6:46

Too many negative votes, comment buried

Show the comment

ridiculous_gnome 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:21

hum... but... if she's listening to the tv guy saying "have a smal poking device my friend?" and she is automatically thinking about the dude... well... thats no good sign...

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:28

If I heard one of those, especially while I was with my boyfriend, the natural train of thought for me would be "Penises....most recent penis I've seen.... my boyfriend's".

Hannah_fml 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:30

And yeah, #6, the average is apparently 5 inches. On the internet everyone seems to claim 7-9 inches though, and that would definitely hurt me. E-penises are gigantic. **** doesn't help society's expectations either.

sillypun 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:36

I'm no horse but my girl is rather shallow.... Not sure she could handle more and I don't get to fully thrust.

Crow801 0

Friday 20 February 2009 23:44

I don't think all **** stars pack a 45 inch penis.

Hannah_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 0:04

#10.... I don't think anyone does. and #11- only the first two inches of the vaginal canal are sensitive, therefore all a man really needs is 2.5" to satisfy their woman.