Miscellaneous: Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're... - FML

By Singed - 04/07/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML

agreeclassic 22 378

vote type 1 43 651

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By Bacon0426 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Skaneateles

Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML

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Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

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Next

TOP COMMENTS

Essentials 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.

AshleyRose784 0

Saturday 4 July 2009 23:11

wow, your dad is officially nuts

Comments

Lehk 9

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:38

you dad is a pretty cool guy

crisle12358 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:38

your dad is awesome

Cromwellsandwich 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:46

Happy fourth :D

xXHoNoRXx 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:47

that's ******* funny

alissa412 33

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:47

wow! sorry, FYL! actually, this sounds just like something my father would do!

LetItRock2009 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:52

that's soooooo goddamn funny! I cant believe ur dad would be crazy enough to do that! its a miracle nothing caught fire. still- soo funny.

freeball 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:54

My dad used to regularly shoot a rifle up the flu to clean the chimney... FYL?

triplethreat13 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:58

OH! OH! I MODERATED THIS ONE! i think it's hilarious!!

KRD727 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 1:03

I like it!

c3ns0r3dn4m3 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 1:09

happy fourth of july ~ ! ;D

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Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

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Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML

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Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML

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Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

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Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

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Today, my husband discovered our neighbour's fence was over our property line by 6 feet and kicked up a fuss about moving the fence. It turns out my husband can’t measure for shit. The fence is actually inside the neighbour's property, and he insisted we move it. There is now no room to park my car. FML

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