Love: Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get...

By JJAnd - 28/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

agreeclassic 11 283

vote type 1 48 099

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By ohmygoodness - 02/03/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

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cahlalsteel 1

Sunday 28 August 2011 16:11

hold your breath

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Sunday 28 August 2011 16:11

At least he didn't shit the bed...

Comments

Nexus_surgeon 7

Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:23

Maybe you never get intimate with anyone,after Shock.Maybe you never get intimate with anyone,after Shock.

chefboyarde 7

Thursday 13 October 2011 2:54

Giggity.....

missbonita21 0

Wednesday 11 April 2012 4:42

Ahahahaha!!!!!!!

WhyMe9516 15

Tuesday 25 September 2012 10:48

I 'hope' you were drunk? At least you won't have broken your 'promise' then. ;)

banan_a_queen 3

Wednesday 20 August 2014 4:24

Oh sweet god why????? ?

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Jealousy Underwear Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I heard the sound of footsteps in the basement. Thinking it was burglars I grabbed a baseball bat and hurried down the stairs. I then tripped on the stairs, fell down them and smacked my head on the bat. The sound of footsteps I heard? It was my cat playing in some cardboard boxes. FML

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Today, I'm running on two hours sleep thanks to our new baby. My partner slept all night, and when I asked them to take over so I could have a nap, they ran to bed, saying that they needed to sleep. Why? Apparently, the baby noise woke them up "once or twice" and they needed the extra sleep more than me. FML

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Today, my six year-old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

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Today, my husband told me that for our anniversary he will be watching the UFC fight, because it is, "one of the biggest events ever and he just can't miss it." Apparently, our one-year wedding anniversary is not as important. To add to it, he said we should watch it together. Very romantic. FML

agreeclassic 1 670

vote type 1 578