Miscellaneous: Today, I was sent to the office in the middle of class because... - FML

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By Anonymous - 22/02/2017 20:07 - United States - La Vergne

Today, I was sent to the office in the middle of class because a teacher heard a joke I made at lunch and thought I planned to stab someone. Three people made jokes. I was the only one in trouble. FML

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nonsensical 26

Friday 24 February 2017 23:50

Maybe you just have that face? The sort of face that looks like you want to stab someone? I know a few like that. Doesn't mean they would, but they sure look like they could.

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nonsensical 26

Friday 24 February 2017 23:50

Maybe you just have that face? The sort of face that looks like you want to stab someone? I know a few like that. Doesn't mean they would, but they sure look like they could.

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Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

agreeclassic 34 474

vote type 1 1 922

Today, I went to visit my great-grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML

agreeclassic 33 803

vote type 1 2 626

Today, I found out that the rivalry between my boyfriend and my only friend I have in this city was just a cover up. I'm now a single mom of a 2 year-old and a 5 month-old. FML

agreeclassic 1 242

vote type 1 186

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

agreeclassic 33 205

vote type 1 5 643

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

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vote type 1 77

Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML

agreeclassic 54 458

vote type 1 3 633