Miscellaneous: Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on...

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

agreeclassic 44 463

vote type 1 46 741

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By ohmy - 17/12/2009 19:09 - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

agreeclassic 15 574

vote type 1 27 872

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

agreeclassic 1 364

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By Jesus - 27/09/2011 02:03 - Canada

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

agreeclassic 19 268

vote type 1 32 027

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

agreeclassic 7 945

vote type 1 24 657

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

agreeclassic 746

vote type 1 334

By Annie - 24/08/2015 08:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

agreeclassic 21 791

vote type 1 9 274

By Anonymous - 18/10/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML

agreeclassic 21 235

vote type 1 41 640

By romea244 - 14/08/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML

agreeclassic 14 664

vote type 1 27 083

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 35 716

vote type 1 2 521

By ThatsIncentive - 15/12/2016 01:59 - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

agreeclassic 6 969

vote type 1 1 143

Jelbeztok 17

Friday 29 November 2013 6:12

so.. did you kill it?

RowanNightShade 22

Friday 29 November 2013 6:16

"This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you"

Comments

143amandaott 10

Sunday 1 December 2013 17:47

Well...did u kill it??

143amandaott 10

Sunday 1 December 2013 17:49

Kill em'

ninabrown 6

Monday 2 December 2013 6:43

poor spider on.kamikadze's leg

Ugi 26

Monday 2 December 2013 11:06

I'm just glad it wasn't crawling into your ear!

Silentcrafter11 13

Thursday 5 December 2013 3:05

Well, hope the wound wasn't that bad.

thethanw 2

Thursday 5 December 2013 7:32

*queue dramatic spongebob character going "my leg!"

AlexTay 6

Sunday 8 December 2013 19:55

OMG THATS GOTTA SUCK DICCC

liaRawr 9

Wednesday 11 December 2013 5:28

Idiot

saltysilverfox 7

Wednesday 11 December 2013 8:26

class...is...dismissed.

LMO3825 4

Thursday 19 December 2013 2:10

Slashing would've been less painful... but more accurate.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

agreeclassic 48 633

vote type 1 4 069

Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML

agreeclassic 21 730

vote type 1 23 524

Today, I heard my skinny 14-year-old daughter tell her friend, "Ugh, I wish I had leukemia or something so that I could lose weight." Yes, she actually said that. FML

agreeclassic 32 173

vote type 1 3 870

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

agreeclassic 1 895

vote type 1 225

Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

agreeclassic 27 426

vote type 1 4 721

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

agreeclassic 35 972

vote type 1 16 729

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Adapt, improvise, overcome

Leave spiders to chill

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