Miscellaneous Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock...

Stormbringer - 01/02/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

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andromeda80 - 28/03/2012 13:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

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Anonymous - 29/08/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

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peepeepainter - 07/01/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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Stained

Anonymous - 06/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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WasteOfTime - 01/11/2009 14:36 - United Kingdom

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

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spaceforrent - 16/11/2012 05:51 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

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Anonymous - 11/07/2011 07:42 - Australia

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

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historyrepeats - 11/07/2019 04:00

Today, I woke up to a Swastika, "Go home" and "Trump2020" spray-painted on my car. FML

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Together forever

Will - - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

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Remodeling

Spelit - 13/08/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML

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x_Cupcakes 0

Tuesday 1 February 2011 12:10

Black and yellow! (:

DahkLohd 4

Tuesday 1 February 2011 19:03

You could have just said "black ****." "Giant black ****" is a bit redundant.

angelbaby01 0

Thursday 3 February 2011 5:53

black and yellow black and yellow !!!!!!!!!!

lindaMa3 0

Friday 4 February 2011 7:36

Lmao XD this is my favorite!!

bmanholmes 3

Friday 4 February 2011 18:30

black and yellow black and yellow lol but yeah that happened to my friend but it was green with a white house

sk3l370n 0

Friday 4 February 2011 22:51

once it goes black..

CarnivalCat 1

Sunday 6 February 2011 4:24

ydi for painting your house yellow. you know, your house helps determine the value of the surrounding houses in the neighborhood.

dumdum1000 0

Monday 7 February 2011 4:59

get some freaking yellow spray paint

brrrahtbrrrahtch 0

Tuesday 8 February 2011 7:55

well now ur house kinda looks like batmans boxers right?

chickletno1 0

Wednesday 2 March 2011 22:52

you deserve it for painting your house yellow in the first place

anonymous595 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 10:54

try white:-)

daydreamer995 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 14:04

try Paintinq It White Den Paint it Yellow. i Think Dat Will Work Lol

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

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Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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Today, after I got fed up and told my bullying step-brother exactly what I thought of him, he became overly polite. He then admitted that me shouting at him was the most turned on he's ever been in his life. Now he loves me and wants to be my "submissive" boyfriend. FML

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Today, I went to do the laundry at my hotel. I had just enough money for my two loads. After getting frustrated with the washer taking two of my quarters and giving no credit, I took the clothes out. The washer then locked the door shut and started without my clothes. FML

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Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

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Today, during a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it. FML

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