Painful and Health: Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with... - FML

By monkeycannon7 - 24/04/2012 16:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

agreeclassic 8 349

vote type 1 29 721

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By stupidtoothpick2 - 16/08/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML

agreeclassic 43 286

vote type 1 8 496

By ow - 17/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

agreeclassic 6 252

vote type 1 69 812

By Millian2 - 08/04/2012 02:10 - United States - Plymouth

Today, I learned that when you take off your sweatshirt, it can get stuck in your braces. I was in public. FML

agreeclassic 25 044

vote type 1 3 717

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

agreeclassic 1 884

vote type 1 417

Pizza mystery

By Pick out the picks - 24/09/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML

agreeclassic 884

vote type 1 134

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

agreeclassic 2 031

vote type 1 5 542

Great idea

By dumbbb - 27/12/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

agreeclassic 10 267

vote type 1 46 051

By 530gangsta - 25/04/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

agreeclassic 3 341

vote type 1 433

By 8sq - 11/06/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

agreeclassic 32 616

vote type 1 16 362

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

agreeclassic 23 887

vote type 1 3 778

Next

TOP COMMENTS

Cad6 24

Tuesday 24 April 2012 22:53

Did the toothpick scribe any interesting symbols in your mouth? If you look in the mirror, The following phrase might be written in your blood: YDI.

bwhahaha_fml 10

Tuesday 24 April 2012 22:56

Go take your shirt off with a toothpick in your mouth and find out :)

Comments

Abracadavre_fml 9

Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:20

You were thinking at the time?

OfficeNinja 5

Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:27

Sometimes, life's most obvious things must be learned the hard way.

Trisha_aus 15

Wednesday 25 April 2012 0:39

Contact DOCBASTARD just in his case...

llamafish 25

Wednesday 25 April 2012 4:56

He is a trauma surgeon, after all.

KHunnyBear 2

Wednesday 25 April 2012 1:02

What the hell? Taking off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth? Are you a redneck or something??

Driveshaft 5

Wednesday 25 April 2012 1:05

Ouch/lol...been there! So my sympathies!

NiveaKK 9

Wednesday 25 April 2012 1:37

Hokey POKEy ;)

bre_the_boss 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:09

Idiot xD I think you should go back to kintergarden where they show kids how to use toothpicks to make pictures, haha. Danger: toothpicks are not stupid-proof.

mixzies 6

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:19

Llama

llamafish 25

Wednesday 25 April 2012 4:58

You called?

Heinousness 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 2:40

OP, I just assumed you were a guy. I'm sorry for saying that if your a girl.

random135 0

Wednesday 25 April 2012 4:26

free s h o w.

1
2
3
4
5

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I couldn't get out of bed due to severe morning sickness. I have to lay still and I can only hold in some tiny crackers. It's the second day of our two-week holiday in Turkey. FML

agreeclassic 2 701

vote type 1 316

Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML

agreeclassic 47 249

vote type 1 12 548

Today, I proudly showed off my new body, after losing 80 pounds. My life-long best friend immediately uninvited me to her upcoming wedding, and won't explain why. FML

agreeclassic 418

vote type 1 59

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

agreeclassic 877

vote type 1 372

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

agreeclassic 13 626

vote type 1 1 176

Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted of a police officer telling us what’s forbidden, the penalties if we do anything wrong and to avoid bars and nightclubs. FML

agreeclassic 668

vote type 1 80