Health: Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog...

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

agreeclassic 32 254

vote type 1 3 258

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Bad boy!

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, I dog-sat for my neighbors' pitbull. Weighing in at 100 pounds with a nasty bite, this dog is no lap dog, but I treated it as one - not knowing how deadly this dog could be - beckoning it towards me with my hand. I now have 6 stitches in my hand and arm, and the neighbors didn't pay me. FML

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By Anonymous - 08/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

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By ZAnon - 06/02/2015 07:06 - United States - Houston

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

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By Broken - 17/06/2009 14:12 - United States

Today, I was running with my sister's dog. It had the brilliant idea of shooting between my legs and I immediately faceplanted on the cement. I now have a swollen nose and cuts all over my body. I'm a grown man who does martial arts and I got beat up by a dog the size of a baby. FML

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By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

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By Vee - 24/09/2017 07:00 - United States

Today, my 80lb black lab decided that the moment I start doing pushups is her cue to mount me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

agreeclassic 1 606

vote type 1 314

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

agreeclassic 29 456

vote type 1 9 338

By humanchewtoy - 07/07/2018 20:30

Today, I was lying in bed recovering from a laparoscopy with my dog laying next to me. I fell asleep and later awoke to a burning pain on my incisions. My dog had decided the stitches would be fun to chew on. FML

agreeclassic 3 950

vote type 1 502

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:18

you're in an abusive relationship lady.

Comments

ILEUX 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:07

first! and yea fyl

OverweightNinja 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

life goal reached?

lovebug254 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:08

sound fun haha

quaddrummer93 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:12

puts a whole new meaning to "needle dick"

Garytt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:08

ydi

x_Cupcakes 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

You don't have to resist...

skull4k9 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

sucks

backdownbreh 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:09

ydi for not accepting his compliment for your attractiveness

Battledog5006 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:10

Dam that's one sharp dick

btnhdude 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

hahahaha

Zesty697 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:27

omg @9 that was classic pure humor

charlesnk7 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 15:53

gd 1

Garytt 0

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:11

you too :)

jewban 3

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:15

sue the dog

gunmania0 12

Wednesday 22 December 2010 12:16

just wait till he's finished... you wouldn't want to give him blue balls.

icantellu 7

Wednesday 22 December 2010 13:10

haha ur awesome

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Today, my guy finally got his brother out of their house so we could try and get busy. It was going okay when he tried to put on a condom. It got soft. We messed around a little longer tried again. Then a third time. I finally just started to get dressed and he took me to work. FML

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Today, I was walking along the beach at night with my family. A huge wave came up and knocked me over. When we got to the van, I realized that the keys that had been in my pocket were now in the ocean. Our cell phones, shoes, and money were in the van. We had to walk three miles to our hotel. FML

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