Alcohol, Drunk, Gross Work Night on the tiles

Night on the tiles

Anonymous - - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

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Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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The morning after the night before

college student - - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

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Mommy's little helper

Anonymous - - United States - Oakland

Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML

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Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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This is a low

Stella - - Canada

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

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Use the force

BlueMacaw - - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

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Running late

SMV - - France

Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

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I hate myself

trixanne - - Australia - Sydney

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

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Bonzer 2

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:45

"Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work..." YDI.

DocBastard 38

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:43

First you misspell "definitely", then you use "sneek", and then you go with "snook"? Really?? That's...I just...you... Can I just slap you?

matthew3 2

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:51

You're very intelligent.

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:51

Nacho cheese dorito milkshake... Ew. Maybe you should have just had the Dorito shelled Taco. Those things are epic.

shireman97 6

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:53

They must not be too epic if you don't know their actual name....

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:11

Pfft. I'm not good with names. Sue me.

ManInTheMachine 19

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:11

It's called the Doritos Locos Taco, in case anyone was wondering.

crypticundead 4

Saturday 21 July 2012 8:00

As long as you live in 'Merica I can sue you. Bring out the lawyers!

realSlimjimShady 7

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:52

Should've gone with cool ranch

UnionsSuck 5

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:52

Atta boy

Bliss391 7

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:54

So your "good idea " of sneaking out of work early lead to an even worse idea of making a nacho milkshake. Sucks to be you. But hey maybe next time you get smashed you could try a burrito smoothie!!

ILoveZombieBoys 13

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:55

Haha Sweeeeeeet

ohrlly7457 7

Saturday 21 July 2012 1:56

Thats sound delicious why did you puke.

whosindahouse 9

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:02

Because she was drunk!

brandy1 5

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:00

Today I thought it be a good idea... Famous last words.

DocBastard 38

Saturday 21 July 2012 2:06

After reading this FML repeatedly, all I saw was "Today, I was stupid and ditched my job, did something even more stupid involving alcohol, which led to more idiocy. I'm a moron and deserve to get my dumb ass fired." Does that about sum it up?