Intimacy My girl

My girl

Steve - 16/08/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

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I did not consent to this under my roof

CatBlock - 31/01/2014 06:16 - United States - Decatur

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cockblocked me. FML

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"baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

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Going at it

GiveADogABone - 15/10/2015 22:47 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

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Surprise, human!

Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML

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Meow!

patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

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Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

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Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!

Anonymous - 10/05/2021 14:01

Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML

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Suffer little humans

Go away dude - 11/06/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed, falling asleep quickly; however, my cat decided to show up and lay on top of me, making me so uncomfortably hot and sweaty that my body immediately woke me up so I wouldn't die of a heat stroke. It's fucking 1:00 AM. He NEVER sleeps with me. FML

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Surprise, wanker!

pussnboots - 16/07/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was feeling frisky, I started to jack off. I was about to come when my cat attacked my hand and nether regions under the blanket. I really got the pussy, didn’t I? FML

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doubleAbattery 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 22:49

Is it just me, or have there been a lot of FMLs about cats lately?

SimpleSimon 0

Sunday 16 August 2009 23:09

She did the right thing. Seriously, my ex and I were mid-**** when her cat decided it wanted some attention too. Ignoring him just got him more and more wound up until eventually he went ballistic and tore a chunk off me with his claws in that unpredictably traitorous way that only cats do. Not only was I **** blocked, I had a piece of my buttcheek missing, and she sided with the cat when I tried to throw him out the window.

nolli024 0

Monday 17 August 2009 7:05

Lots of cat FMLs today...

pouli57 0

Monday 17 August 2009 7:16

I so feel you!! My gf's attention span goes out of the window when the cat is in the same room. Get rid of it before it destroys you lol

gigg_squad 0

Monday 17 August 2009 7:21

haha. loser

juicyjay00 0

Monday 17 August 2009 8:35

i love my cats so much... like i'm sure you guys have enough sex. why can't she play with her cats? it annoys my boyfriend too when i ditch sex for my little babies. so i see where you're coming from. but nothing to cry on fml about

Panther_fml 0

Monday 17 August 2009 11:36

"**** bloxked by another pussy" ahahahaha epic!

Phantom13 3

Monday 17 August 2009 11:42

Dude...get rid of the cat...or close the door! First rule of intimacy...get rid of ALL distractions when beginning sex! The cat definantly counts as one...not only that, but I sware those animals KNOW when two people are trying to get "hot and heavy" as you so put it. They don't seem to like it very much when two people are tying to **** in their presence...so get rid of them before you do anything!!!

Kupokupupo 0

Monday 17 August 2009 13:56

i want this to be fake just so i can say that you just wanted to tell that little joke at the end to the whooooole world! hahaha... i'm such a prick but seriously. if i was about to do it, i would make sure my cat wasnt in the same room

EzZy_Alpha 0

Monday 17 August 2009 14:28

Oh,the pun! The horrible,hilarious pun!

kewl92 0

Monday 17 August 2009 16:05

OMG YOUR LIFE SUCKS SOOO BAD! I feel so sorry for you! that must suck so hard... a TRUE FML. your life is completely ******... it's so not fair! :'(((((((((((( idiot