Shopping

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 07:35 - Singapore

Today, I went shopping with my parents. Halfway through, I got separated from them and tried to call them only to find out my cell phone battery was flat. A few minutes later, an announcement was made for a lost child. It was by my parents. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 182

You deserved it 5 220

Season's greetings

By Joe Bloggs - 31/12/2024 15:00 - United States - Detroit

Today, I mistook a stranger in a supermarket aisle for an old friend and gave them a big bear hug from behind. Turns out, my "friend" was just now a very confused man in a very similar, but oddly specific jacket that I thought my actual friend had claimed he made himself. Guess not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 400

Nice try

By GregIsGreg - 29/08/2025 12:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to flirt with the supermarket cashier by saying, “Guess I’m buying enough food for two!” She smiled politely and said, “That’s nice. Will your wife help you carry it?” I said, “What wife?” only to realize I’d just exposed myself as a lonely man buying family-sized frozen lasagna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 498

I'm having a hard time, OK?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I handed my phone to the cashier so they could scan my digital coupons. I forgot I had my grocery list open in Notes. The top of the list read: “1) Wine. 2) More wine. 3) Emergency chocolate. 4) Hide evidence.” The cashier didn’t say anything, just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 319

Grouchy old hag

By Anonymous - 01/01/2025 21:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was ordering a new vape for my Grandma online, since she refuses to use the internet. When I told her that the type of vape she uses wasn't available anymore, she screamed, "WELL THEN, I'LL JUST GET A CARTON OF CIGARETTES, AND SMOKE THEM UNTIL I GET CANCER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 93

Dress you up

By NotTheFavoriteChild - 03/04/2016 16:53

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess…" I showered, shaved, and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 499

You deserved it 1 622

By imok - 07/10/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 435

You deserved it 53 666

BIKES!

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 08:01

Today, I’m doing the 5 km bike ride to the grocery store. As always, I'm well equipped: Shopping bags, shopping list, pen, sunglasses, hat, sunscreen, raincoat, tampons, tissues, lip balm, water bottle… Anything I forgot? Aaah, yes. Money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 307

It is though

By Timv86 - 16/02/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yelled at the top of her voice, "Stop following me, you freak." I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 031

You deserved it 3 102

It's true, though

By humiliated - 20/03/2016 11:54 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 162

You deserved it 2 364

Authoritarian regime

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was detained by a security guard. I heard him trying to justify detaining me to his boss and it was basically, “She was eyeballing me, so I showed her who’s boss.” I'm now banned from the shop, which is a 30 yard walk from my home. My weekly shop is now a 4 mile drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 87

Just like starting over

By Folding money - 12/09/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I was at Aldi when I realized I'd left my wallet at home. I tried to convince the cashier to let me pay with an IOU, but they just gave me a skeptical look and said, "This isn't the 1880s, dude." I had to leave my cart of groceries and walk out empty-handed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 1 579

Surprise indeed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 00:00

Today, to surprise my boss who promoted me within the first two months of my new job, I offered to take him and a couple of coworkers out to eat. We had one minor inconvenience: my bank card declined. I was 200$ in the negative. Apparently my wife decided to take the kids winter clothes shopping. It’s fucking April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 253

Hanging on by a thread

By fml - 23/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was standing in line when the lady in front of me stepped out of the line. I made a comment about how rude she was for doing that, and she immediately burst into tears because she “didn’t know it was rude to do that.” A grown woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 830

Chill out, Cathy

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 812

You deserved it 2 446

Not cool

By Anonymous - 06/10/2025 22:00

Today, I was trying to shop in peace when a single mom with a whole herd of loud brats went tearing through the aisles. I told her that if her kids had fathers they wouldn’t behave that way. The oldest screamed, “Our daddy died!” causing all the kids to break into hysterics. The mom cried too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 1 412

Parking lot chaos

By Clumsy - 03/10/2025 03:00

Today, a bag of grapes fell out of my shopping cart in the parking lot. I bent down to grab them, only for the bag to burst open. I ended up chasing runaway grapes across the tarmac, but it's only when a car of strangers started cheering me on that I took the L, gave up the fight, and went back to buy more, but the remaining stock was moldy and shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 93

Tipping point

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to a self-checkout kiosk and it asked if I wanted to tip. For what? Watching myself scan groceries? I still ended up tipping 10% because I panicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 452

How've you been?

By Anonymous - 05/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I mistook a random stranger in the grocery store for my friend and started complaining about how annoying my coworkers are at the moment. The stranger just nodded, concerned, and slowly backed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 563

Boom!

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband is such a tight-wadded cheapskate that his idea of “taking the family out” is going to Costco to try all the samples. PS: Yes, I work too, so he’s not the only “provider", he’s just cheap and boring as all hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 148

Mind your own business

By Not what it looks like - 07/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a lady at Walmart that my mom, who is rather big-boned, actually suffers from fibromyalgia and arthritis, which is why she has to use motor carts. She didn't believe us, and called my mom "selfish". This is a common occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 224

No joke

By ohfuxx - 23/03/2022 10:00

Today, I learned that you can't fool the self-checkout scanner by taking six items and only paying for two. Sometimes, two big security guards may grab you by both arms and take you to their office. To convince them to let me off the hook, I desperately said that it was just a joke. They weren't laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 578

Time to get chomping

By Anonymous - 05/11/2024 22:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I ordered groceries online and thought I’d gotten a good deal on apples. I didn't notice they were sold individually, so now I have 36 apples sitting in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 433

Go vegan for the economy

By Anonymous - 21/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I argued with my roommate about which eggs to buy: organic, pasture-raised, free-range, or AI-verified climate-positive. We settled on whatever was cheapest. They were $9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 367

Toilet trouble

By FckMyLife - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 311

You deserved it 10 177

You're barred

By sarahhbear - 17/11/2012 06:42 - United States - Bryan

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 135

You deserved it 3 205

What does that even mean?

By Susanna - 07/12/2024 09:00 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my grocery store's self-checkout system has been calling me “Aisle Champion” every time I scan an item. I’m not sure if I should be proud or concerned that it’s the only recognition I’ve gotten all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 108

Crumbling

By Benn - 21/06/2024 06:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I ran into my ex at the supermarket. Trying to seem nonchalant, I attempted to make small talk while pushing my cart. I didn't notice that I was steering straight into a tower of canned goods until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 488

A Losing Battle Is Raging

By Anonymous - 06/12/2024 03:00 - Canada - Ottawa–Gatineau

Today, I realized I’d been walking around a small grocery store for 10 minutes holding an avocado I grabbed but didn’t need. Too embarrassed to put it back, I guess I’m buying an avocado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 535

Let me out!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I got stuck in a dress in the fitting room and had to call the sales associate for help. She had to crawl under the door to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 472

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 611

You deserved it 989

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 904

You deserved it 78 261

Today, my acne was so bad I got carded for a pack of lighters. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 117

Today, I told my dogs to go to their dog beds. The small dog went onto the big one’s bed. The big dog went onto my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 265

Today, I was on my way home and there were BLM protestors, who I have no problem with, but my car was parked where they were and I had to sit there for three hours until they left so I could drive off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 326

Today, since my most recent breakup, I haven’t had sex in almost a year but I’m too afraid to just jump on Tinder for a hookup, because I had to move back into my parents' spare room, and I can’t be bringing a woman back for sex on a fold-out futon with mom and dad in the next bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 411