meh - 22/01/2016 02:19 - United States - Novato Today, while walking my dog, I was walking by a man and my dog let out a small bark ( my dog didn't even go next to the man ) and the man picked up some rocks and threw them at my dog. FML 0 0
Today, I decided to finally use the gym membership I got a few weeks ago. After I returned to the locker room, the locker I used was opened with all my stuff, including my iTouch, cell phone, and my wallet with cash stolen. It turns out I left the sticker that tells you your combo on my new lock. FML 17 962 76 284
Today, I was wanking and started thinking about why the Simpsons are yellow, and how that came to be. I haven't been laid in 4 years and my ADHD is so crippling that I can't jack off. FML 35 151 6 341
Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML 32 345 5 848
Today, I realized the closest I've ever been to being hit on was with a car in the school parking lot. Even then, the guy claimed he "didn't notice" me. FML 28 010 3 046
Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML 43 682 7 143
Today, my parents kept on trying to create drama in my long-distance relationship,and telling me that my life is a mess. But when I tell them they played a huge part in my crippling anxiety, they change the topic. FML 915 141