SOILEDIT - 26/02/2016 20:57 - United States - Reynoldsburg Today, it is my birthday. No wishes for a happy birthday from anyone, but I did receive a valuable life lesson from my grandpa when I woke up: Always use a condom. FML 1 0
Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML 470 38
Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML 48 873 4 386
Today, my husband and I threw a party with non-alcoholic wine. No one acted wasted, until in the last hour my grandmother started slurring her words and slumping. We thought she was joking, until a doctor at the party confirmed she was having a stroke. FML 55 377 5 451
Today, I realized that just because he danced with you, groped you, and told you he wants to sleep with you, doesn't mean that he likes you and won't leave you on "delivered" for days. FML 1 105 591
Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend if he was cheating on me. He replied, "Nah, all the chicks in this town are fuck-ugly." and stared at me until I left the room. Good to know that's his only reason for staying faithful. FML 33 407 7 677
Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML 34 167 5 978