Alloytrident

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30 years-old
Sunday 05 March 1995
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Alloytrident's favorite FMLs

By Kitty Lover - 11/06/2016 19:04 - United States - Houston

Today, a few weeks after moving in with my boyfriend, I borrowed his phone to Google something because mine was dead. His most recent searches? "How kill cat", "Kill cat laws", "Cat + poison". I thought he was ok with my cat when I moved in. FML

agreeclassic 14 569

vote type 1 1 777

What ARE you doing?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

agreeclassic 10 375

vote type 1 1 537

Explosive

By burrrito_ - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML

agreeclassic 8 070

vote type 1 3 404

By randomman55555 - 03/11/2016 17:13

Today, I was hanging out with this really cute boy that I liked. We were starting to get personal, intimate, and really connecting. That is, until my roommate shouted that his girlfriend had just, "clogged our toilet and shit was overflowing onto the floor." FML

agreeclassic 10 934

vote type 1 891

randomman55555 app_comment_confession_title

randomman55555 11

Thursday 17 November 2016 19:32

hey guys OP here, Just to clarify I invited the hot guy over to play some video games to get know each other better. My housemates girlfriend as you can imagine is a regular at our place. She is the one who clogged the toilet, and has no idea who my crush is. But because my housemate can't even preheat the oven, it's no surprise he doesn't know how to unclog a toilet. I Had to step in before the water got out of the bathroom, ruining our wood floor and loosing our $2,000 deposit. Hope this cleared things up.

By timetraveler1854 - 03/11/2016 00:55 - United States - Nanuet

Today, I needed to cut something open so I asked my roommate to toss me my pocket knife from the counter. Apparently, he heard, "Open the knife then toss me it." FML

agreeclassic 10 199

vote type 1 1 028

timetraveler1854 app_comment_confession_title

timetraveler1854 19

Sunday 13 November 2016 4:43

Oh man, this is my FML. I wasn't logged in when I published it. When my friend threw my knife to me, I tried knocking it away with the box I was holding but it grazed the back of my hand resulting in me needing stitches as it says in the title. And to the guy that says I shouldn't be doing cattle mutilations in my house, you don't see me walking into your home telling you what to do.