iamanastronaut

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Iamanastronaut's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 800

vote type 1 1 941

By a - 21/05/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

agreeclassic 494

vote type 1 112

By ummPORQUE - 07/05/2009 16:17 - United States

Today, I found out that the guy I've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me "Baby." FML

agreeclassic 35 035

vote type 1 70 697

Woozy

By Dunzo15 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

agreeclassic 202 806

vote type 1 52 152

John Coltrane

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML

agreeclassic 75 144

vote type 1 22 223