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Ewelty3

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Orange, USA

Ewelty3

Just call me your sexiness. "Is mayonnaise an instrument?"

Ewelty3 -

Ewelty3 -

FMLbot_fml

Ewelty3

lovers5201

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Ewelty3

Ewelty3

Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

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1 725

Osmosis

brazo667 - - United States - Fort Stewart

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "Zoinks". FML

30 012

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First time

februarymarchapril - 04/02/2015 03:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

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BilletsDoudous - 15/01/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I'm a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting guy of about 30 gets on board with two huge bags. Worried, I keep an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

505

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Priorities

phones - 16/01/2015 17:09 - United States

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

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