The Top

Hey there, OP here! For those of you asking, he has a PhD in biology. He's done crazier and much more dangerous things than this, trust me. If you guys have any other questions, feel free to ask!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 631

You deserved it 6 298

CPS!

By jasminejzhu - 14/04/2013 09:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 052

You deserved it 11 690

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 151

You deserved it 3 576

By fannylovesfelix - 10/03/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my cat got into the bathroom while I was changing my tampon. As I was throwing the applicator away, I felt a sharp pain around my vagina; I looked down to find him swatting at the tampon string. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 760

You deserved it 11 904

fannylovesfelix tells us more.

fannylovesfelix 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 4:52

Hiii... My bathroom is insanely tiny. Think airplane bathroom small; I can lean over from the toilet to reach the sink/trash can, so...I was leaning over from the toilet. Fail, I know. Lesson learned. Also, my door doesn't completely shut so he can pry it open. Ehh, or he cries and well...I feel bad. I've given up on keeping him out. : On a lighter note, it doesn't hurt anymore. Also, he's cute enough that I forgive him. :)

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 00:28 - Canada - Hagersville

Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 433

You deserved it 56 010

By Anonymous - 21/05/2015 20:41 - United States

Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 061

You deserved it 3 266

By pepsifoot - 16/04/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, I got hurt and spent the remainder of the day limping. I wish I could say it was from something badass like roller derby, but I can't. A woman with a rolling cart filled with packs of Pepsi rolled over my foot on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 096

You deserved it 4 120

By Numbnuts - 08/03/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 383

You deserved it 38 613

By AngelAshley - 22/02/2010 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 569

You deserved it 39 814

By dealingdave - 19/12/2011 12:24 - United States

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 348

You deserved it 3 052

dealingdave tells us more.

dealingdave 3

Tuesday 20 December 2011 0:36

I did not ground the boy. I simply told him his entire life belongs to me now until he's 18!

By Valentine_Beauty - 06/10/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I wore a dress that I bought last weekend to work, thinking how I liked it and it fitted me perfectly, until someone at work told me that I was actually wearing a nightie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 979

You deserved it 23 684

Valentine_Beauty tells us more.

Valentine_Beauty 5

Sunday 7 October 2012 4:38

Hi yeah i know a lot of ya'll are thinking of how dumb am i to wear a nightie and not know the difference..for one thing, it was sold with other dresses and no it's not see through, it actually has an underskirt and the reason my colleague commented was due to the lacy neckline.. and i actually paired it off with a slacks and a cardigan, so no, i'm not working in a brothel though that made me LOL...people can have the silliest idea.. i'm still a bit convinced it's a dress, but nevertheless i'm not wearing it out any more.. cheers!