Your everyday life stories

That helped

nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

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bdawg923 - 11/04/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML

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bdawg923

bdawg923 0

Sunday 12 April 2009 2:01

The spider was on her shoulder to those who asked.

Noname - 28/02/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

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Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

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anon. - 17/01/2012 23:41 - United States

Today, I found out if I refuse my boyfriend anything in public, he will continually yell out, "Penis!" until he gets his way. FML

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Very_Bad_Luck - 10/08/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML

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Very_Bad_Luck

Very_Bad_Luck 0

Tuesday 11 August 2009 23:51

Hi. I'm deciding to comment on my own FML to truly thank the people who wish me luck and keep me in their prayers. If you wish to learn more check out my profile. Thanks!!

That's so lovely!

Anonymous - - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML

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The best day of your life

squirt - 05/07/2009 16:48 - United States

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress, the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger, but squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

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Poor old George Orwell…

literature -

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

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That's some BS

unemployed - 21/05/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her Bluetooth headset. FML

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Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

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Big Mac

Raiden - 10/03/2013 16:03 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonald's everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonald's. FML

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jamalinho - 11/05/2011 17:51 - Bangladesh

Today, I worked 12 long hours cooped up in my office. Before leaving, my boss asked me whether I'll ever take my job seriously. FML

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Unprofessional

dr immature - 23/12/2013 23:11 - United States - Washington

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

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animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

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momof2boys - 19/01/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, my two boys decided to draw in permanent marker on the leather seats of the car I have had up for sale for 3 weeks with no interest. I call my husband to tell him we're going to have to keep it. He just made an appointment with a guy who has cash and is ready to buy it tomorrow. FML

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A teacher's burden

Anonymous - 13/05/2009 17:46 - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year-old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

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Saucy

donutsex - 05/08/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

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Anonymous - 26/05/2010 18:03 - Canada

Today, I went into a music store to look into getting a new guitar. I picked up one that I was interested in and tried it out quietly. A sales representative approached me and asked me to "stop the noise and leave the guitars for serious customers." I've been playing for almost ten years. FML

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psychedout - 10/08/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, a patient was late for a psychiatry appointment, after having missed his previous two. I am the medical student on the team that was supposed to do his assessment. I said, "You snooze, you lose." Everyone stopped and looked at me. Apparently, he missed them because he has narcolepsy. FML

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Anonymous - 25/02/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

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killme - 07/03/2015 18:42 - United States - Broomfield

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

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piper182 - 29/09/2014 22:04 - United States - New York

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

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piper182

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Thursday 2 October 2014 3:47

Hey OP here, in my car... I work 11-12 hours 6 days a week so though I wish for a dog, I can't. I stay in the car because when I go in I have to plan for the next day. In the car it's quiet and peaceful. Living with others was worse but I am a lonely person. I do sometimes drink a beer once I'm parked. I agree it's sad and I'm not a very social person and I hate it about myself.