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By exfiancee - 05/08/2012 13:20 - United States - Summerville

Today, my fiancé told me that he was having second thoughts on our engagement. Instead of just calling it off, he took me to a fancy restaurant and took a public poll on whether we should get married. The majority said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 482

You deserved it 2 585

Gift for you

By safetyfirst - 14/07/2010 15:17 - Taiwan

Spicy

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 474

You deserved it 21 481

Greasy greasy spot spot

By Whoops - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a haircut. The lady accusingly told me she'd have to thoroughly wash my hair before she started, as it was way too greasy to cut through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 208

You deserved it 47 416

By OUCH. - 17/11/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I got my braces off. I also got my tongue pierced. Both by my orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 578

You deserved it 3 416

By dancer_2014 - 28/05/2011 12:44 - United States

Today, I was on my first blind date. We went to a fancy restaurant in the middle in the city. After using the bathroom, I came back to an empty table. He stole my purse and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 272

You deserved it 16 323

How is that fair?

By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 633

You deserved it 4 242

By alex - 14/03/2011 14:44 - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 10 079

By Poorman - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United Kingdom

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 346

You deserved it 4 287

By dfan13 - 01/07/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 416

You deserved it 4 982

dfan13 tells us more.

dfan13 5

Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:31

Hey, original poster here.. He wasnt trying to see me naked. We have a shower curtain where u can see out if ur in the shower but cant see in if your out. And i did almost die because i cracked my head open.

By Tragic - 27/04/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 297

You deserved it 6 842

By LadyGagasLOVER - 08/08/2010 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend is moving to Arkansas, and my girlfriend is going with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 809

You deserved it 3 529

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I called a wrong number. Calling back the right person, I began a long story about how I'd just called the wrong number. It was the wrong number lady again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 855

You deserved it 39 577

By OmniVore - 25/02/2010 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 385

You deserved it 42 833

By ElizaZee - 19/09/2013 01:45 - United States - Malvern

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 004

You deserved it 3 436

ElizaZee tells us more.

ElizaZee 9

Friday 18 October 2013 1:57

Hi, I'm the OP. Anyway, from what we've pieced together based on the accounts of family and friends, his girlfriend stayed with him for five years because she was a gold digger. My brother is fairly rich, and he always gave her expensive jewelry because he loved her so much. She would always wear the jewelry, but then it would mysteriously disappear after a few months. We suspect she was selling it, and basically using him. Also, we didn't think she stayed faithful to him, but he never listened. I guess she was off loving another man while my brother was unsuspectingly giving her jewelry that she could then sell. In other words, she's a bitch, and it's a good thing overall that she said no.

By A2 - 28/06/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my mom and dad, and the preview to my "My Sisters Keeper" came on. The trailer started out with "Most babies are accidents..." Right as that line was finished my mom elbowed me and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 996

You deserved it 4 981

By danii - 04/10/2011 01:19 - Reserved

Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 283

You deserved it 54 791

By Gurior - 04/09/2011 07:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 934

You deserved it 48 833

By Uriyahu - 20/09/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, a drunk driver crashed in through my living room wall. Not only that, but he managed to completely miss the first two houses on the block, which should have been a barrier before mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 3 247

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 11:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 8 350

By Anonymous - 23/01/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 157

You deserved it 3 077

By jack - 08/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of three months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 016

You deserved it 2 544

By Nice - 01/05/2012 13:58 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 095

You deserved it 5 045

By gnownayrgnow - 08/05/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I decided to be extra nice to my girlfriend by washing all the dishes and folding all the clothes. She thought I was being "too nice" and hypothesized that I was cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 904

You deserved it 5 689

By dirtyclothess - 02/05/2011 00:01

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 955

You deserved it 8 168

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 962

You deserved it 9 372

By happy birthday to me - 05/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I had to explain to half of my class that yes, my birthday is on the same day as Hitler's, but no, it does not make me a Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 770

You deserved it 3 141

By awesome - 05/01/2012 17:13 - United States

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 714

You deserved it 4 618

By Maggie - 10/12/2011 16:45 - Canada

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 3 988

By brylynn - 26/08/2012 01:58 - United States

Today, I fainted during my sister's wedding because my dress was too tight. When I woke up, she slapped me hard across the face. Why? Because I "took all the attention away" from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 185

You deserved it 7 793

Romance

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 16:20 - United States - Palmdale

Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 180

You deserved it 9 646

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Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 769

You deserved it 9 480

Today, I congratulated my best mate and his wife on their third pregnancy in three years. It then dawned on me that they've had sex more times in three years of marriage than I have had in six years of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 259

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 456

You deserved it 4 846

Today, I wanted to send a birthday card. I kindly asked my boss for an envelope, and she asked me to pay for it. I've been working for her as an intern for over a year now, without receiving any money for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 484

You deserved it 4 328

Today, my mom came in my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Out of pure instinct, from hours of doing this to my girlfriend in this exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother-son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go" before I let her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 2 117

Today, my Mom was gushing to a relative about going to see a very famous singer with my sister while we were at dinner. I smiled politely, until the relative asked why I wasn’t going. I felt too embarrassed to admit I hadn’t been asked, despite having the money, so I awkwardly made something up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 179