Intimacy: Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something....

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

agreeclassic 35 896

vote type 1 6 025

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

agreeclassic 34 527

vote type 1 11 082

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 02:00

Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML

agreeclassic 421

vote type 1 161

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

agreeclassic 30 138

vote type 1 51 067

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

agreeclassic 80 152

vote type 1 6 521

Emergency

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

agreeclassic 55 385

vote type 1 7 454

Communication tool

By Anonymous - 10/10/2012 21:48 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

agreeclassic 40 359

vote type 1 6 199

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

agreeclassic 36 404

vote type 1 5 252

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML

agreeclassic 39 809

vote type 1 5 621

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 21:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

agreeclassic 35 179

vote type 1 4 220

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

agreeclassic 42 269

vote type 1 4 514

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:27

That man is boss!

monkeysareyummy 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 6:28

New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?

Comments

yessika_koolaid 6

Wednesday 21 December 2011 17:12

Skills!!!

Liquidknight 4

Wednesday 21 December 2011 19:10

Wish there was a "WIN!" button!

picturescrazy 24

Thursday 22 December 2011 6:48

That's actually kind of cool that he can do that xD

localgrl26 6

Friday 23 December 2011 0:02

haha, he did it LIKE A BOSS!

franwins0827 7

Friday 23 December 2011 2:47

Hahaha... WIN

jiggy89 0

Friday 23 December 2011 6:22

skills !

brobroman 0

Saturday 24 December 2011 6:21

I do the same with my balls.

cass1_l0ve 13

Wednesday 28 December 2011 18:33

This is taking "sexting" to an all new level

sexaddict89167 0

Thursday 29 December 2011 3:23

Hot

becsbm 11

Thursday 5 January 2012 2:36

Your hubby...IS...AWESOME!!!!

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

agreeclassic 33 077

vote type 1 43 464

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

agreeclassic 940

vote type 1 149

Today, after I sent my daughter to her best friend's house for a week, who lives three hours away, her friend's mom got really sick half way through. My daughter came home early because the mom was too sick. Now my daughter isn't feeling well and I just found the mom has the flu. FML

agreeclassic 503

vote type 1 129

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

agreeclassic 33 582

vote type 1 5 958

Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML

agreeclassic 1 178

vote type 1 237

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh." Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though." FML

agreeclassic 45 771

vote type 1 4 471