Love Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation...

Random737193 - 07/05/2015 19:52 - United States - Haddonfield

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

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St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

Pizza party

Newly Minted Canuck - 22/04/2017 20:00

Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML

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Anonymous - 24/05/2011 04:38

Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML

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Masterchef 2020

Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

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frootloops - 21/11/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I realized that my girlfriend had never said anything about the proposal ring I had put into a box of her Froot Loops. When I hinted it to her, she said that the cereal had expired, so she threw out the box. FML

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Wheresthecreamfilling - 03/11/2016 06:03

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML

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Snack time

oops... - 12/09/2014 05:50 - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

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brownieswillneverbethesame - 04/09/2011 06:18 - United States

Today, I was eating a brownie my grandmother had made, only to discover an inch long piece of what resembled dead skin in the middle of it. This discovery was only made after taking a bite and wondering why the consistency was wrong. FML

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I'm fine, this is fine

btg - - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

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FawnPrincess - 17/11/2017 15:00

Today, my boyfriend bought my favorite doughnuts for our anniversary. After settling down and pouring a glass of wine, I grabbed a doughnut and quickly realized the filling inside wasn't jelly. He thought it would be funny to replace it with toothpaste. FML

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Anonymous - 31/05/2015 20:36 - United States - Temecula

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

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fifi125 21

Friday 8 May 2015 8:29

"I found ham between some bread once"

Pyneapple 19

Friday 8 May 2015 8:39

One time I found a stripper in my cake. So delicious; the cake was alright I guess.

Calacor 17

Friday 8 May 2015 8:26

no way its paper in a fortune cookie!

JazzHandsFML 28

Friday 8 May 2015 8:48

give it to me this late in the school year I'm running on scraps and donations

sonasonic 34

Friday 8 May 2015 10:12

Unfortunately, she didn't find the logic she needed.

lemonypops 10

Friday 8 May 2015 8:27

Well, what was the fortune?

Allusivness 21

Friday 8 May 2015 8:28

She is going down a unfortunate path.

JustinJK 21

Friday 8 May 2015 9:10

It appears she's been on that path of misfortune for quite some time.

meganmax 14

Friday 8 May 2015 8:29

I mean at least it wasn't a bug ?

bl865ood 17

Friday 8 May 2015 13:49

At least you tried?

fifi125 21

Friday 8 May 2015 8:29

"I found ham between some bread once"

Ichiya 29

Friday 8 May 2015 9:21

I found a toenail in the salad bar once.

Smooth_Criminal 24

Friday 8 May 2015 11:22

"I found cheese on my pizza"

davisjenny81 30

Friday 8 May 2015 13:49

"I found noodles in my spaghetti"

JohnTheDonJuan 11

Friday 8 May 2015 20:45

I like how everybody just completely ignored the toenail in the salad bar comment... And furthermore, how were you certain is was a toenail and not from the hand?