Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up,...

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

agreeclassic 39 376

vote type 1 5 857

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Wakey wakey

By DanJames24 - 24/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Southsea

Today, my flatmate woke me up early, saying there was a fire and we had to evacuate. Barely awake, she practically dragged me downstairs and got to the front door. Once we got there, she opened the front door, kneed me in the nuts, and pushed me out, locking it behind her. I was only in boxers. FML

agreeclassic 1 129

vote type 1 167

By Jack - 26/10/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I was in minding my own business in bed in my dorm room. It was dark and my roommate came over, intending to slap my ass really hard. The problem is, I was lying face up. FML

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By whoslade - 28/06/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

agreeclassic 28 933

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Woah!

By Mel - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fire alarm startled me so badly that I shat myself. FML

agreeclassic 42 304

vote type 1 13 080

Morning!

By Anonymous - 15/01/2020 00:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, my sister woke me up panicking saying our kitchen was on fire, and we had to leave. She practically dragged me out of bed and all the way to the front door. When we got outside, she suddenly kneed me in the nuts and went back inside, locking the door behind her. I was only wearing boxers. FML

agreeclassic 2 772

vote type 1 284

By Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

agreeclassic 2 988

vote type 1 297

Nutfirecracker

By Akashi - 22/07/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the couch and his legs were on my lap. We heard a loud firework from somewhere outside our window, we both jumped and I felt the pain of him kicking me in the nuts. FML

agreeclassic 1 290

vote type 1 458

Nuts

By Painful - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

agreeclassic 15 111

vote type 1 40 257

By Anonymous - 04/04/2014 17:26 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

agreeclassic 37 110

vote type 1 20 387

Wakey wakey

By sacked - 22/02/2010 19:51 - United States

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

agreeclassic 15 377

vote type 1 24 030

madmikemiller 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:06

Kinda is

bfrench95 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 0:17

You should have yelled "BABY KILLER" then headbutt his nutsack :)

Comments

kitkat2014 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:41

LMFAO!!!!!! That's great!!! xD Have to remember that one ;D

miZscrZee 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 20:50

LOL.

chay_chay 5

Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:28

Revenge is so sweet :)

brobbmobb 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:29

Lmfao !

GummiBearss13 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 21:31

It is funny, no offense

wjohns1217 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 22:12

Def funny lol

kristena103 14

Wednesday 28 December 2011 22:34

It is.

MissMcFly 6

Wednesday 28 December 2011 22:35

Maybe he likes you in that kinda way.

Takainthemachine 0

Wednesday 28 December 2011 23:44

You should have taken a bite..yummm

5t3ff1k4h 44

Thursday 29 December 2011 0:28

That's hilarious, bro. You have a poor sense of humour.

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

agreeclassic 52 731

vote type 1 15 308

Today, I was in gym class with my crush. We were running around until she tripped over me. Now, she hates me, and says that I tripped her when everyone saw that she tripped over me, and she hates me now. FML

agreeclassic 950

vote type 1 201

Today, I returned home from college. I found out that my dad ran over my cat months ago and tried to cover it up by having her stuffed. I found it "her" on my bed when I got home. They think that it's sweet that they stuffed the cat they killed. FML

agreeclassic 15 818

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Today, once again, I told a guy who’s been hounding me for ages that I’m not interested. After being asked repeatedly and turning him down politely for so long, I finally snapped and cussed his ass out. Now I’m known as "the bitch" for hurting such a "nice guy's" feelings. I need new friends. FML

agreeclassic 1 602

vote type 1 177

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

agreeclassic 51 070

vote type 1 6 560

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

agreeclassic 13 571

vote type 1 121 500

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