Kids Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded...

Anonymous - 22/12/2013 19:10 - Israel

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

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St. Patrick's Day: Shamrocks and Tribulations
Green anecdotes of jealousy, full of shamrocks and pints, for a memorable St. Patrick's Day! …

Anonymous - 02/03/2010 21:16 - United States

Today, I found out my little sister is a pyromaniac. She set my bed on fire. FML

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Twisted firestarter

Anonymous - - United States

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

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Weird logic

lazy lazy lazy! - 08/05/2023 00:00

Today, I realized how lazy my daughter truly is when I saw her shivering under a thin blanket on top of her perfectly made bed. I asked why she didn’t just climb under her covers to sleep warm and comfortable. She said that this way she doesn’t have to make up her bed every morning. FML

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Anonymous - 30/01/2015 17:41 - Canada

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

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oh dear - 25/10/2009 09:06 - France

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

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Tetchy

Anonymous - 26/11/2023 00:00

Today, I got home and my wife asked me why I hadn’t taken the bin out or cleaned the living room. I asked her why she hadn’t done it since she got fired 6 months ago for laziness and since then has sat on her ass watching daytime TV instead of job searching. She threw a mug at my face. FML

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anonymous - 02/02/2010 17:32 - France

Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML

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Anonymous - 28/03/2015 04:39 - United States - Madison

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

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failure as a parent - 11/05/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

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baldspot - 02/04/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

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lozowen 10

Monday 23 December 2013 2:19

Wow. Physco child!

JoeGrant 12

Monday 23 December 2013 2:20

Your request got her fired up, it seems.

icepick23 12

Monday 23 December 2013 17:13

Leave her alone. Being lazy is awesome!

GodKing709 2

Monday 23 December 2013 17:33

beat your child. seriously. use a phone book and a couple raps to the head and she'll straghtin right out

Smoxxii 17

Monday 23 December 2013 18:09

Set her bed on fire in retaliation.

mintstashinurtea 5

Monday 23 December 2013 18:57

make her bed? really? pick and choose your battles dude.

Omniprism 14

Monday 23 December 2013 18:58

Something is wrong with her. Therapy maybe. A little jail time?

TallMist 32

Monday 28 April 2014 20:19

Pretty sure that lighting your own stuff on fire isn't illegal, much less the trash. Why would she go to jail over this?

wasupnyc 1

Monday 23 December 2013 19:02

The fact that u had to ask ur child shows who runs the house

odod777 28

Monday 23 December 2013 19:18

Your daughter is CRAZY!!! Sorry to say O.P.

Chris93Jones 20

Monday 23 December 2013 19:19

Your move, mother

cactusdesu 15

Monday 23 December 2013 19:48

She must not be too lazy then.

NodakN8V 25

Monday 23 December 2013 21:14

So....that's how you do it

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

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Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

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Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

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Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

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Today, my fiancé finally went to a therapy session with me because of the difficult circumstances we are facing. Afterwards, he shouted at me for "talking to someone about our problems". I told him that's kind of the point of therapy. Now he's sulking. FML

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Today, I was at the waterpark. I decided to go down a slide shaped like a funnel. On the way down, my bikini bottom untied. Then I got lodged in a V shape, arse first, in the hole at the funnel exit, exposing myself to the entire pool until I could slither out. FML

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