Miscellaneous Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while... - FML

Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

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Women's Day: Equality and Laughter
Stories that celebrate women in a light-hearted and humorous way, because equality can also be a source of joy! …

Frostbite

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML

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No good deed…

williebees - - United States - Huntsville

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

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Night on the tiles

Anonymous - - Ireland - Gorey

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

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The struggle

lizi - - United Kingdom - Saint Andrews

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML

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Right back!

Anonymous -

Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML

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Anonymous - 06/02/2016 01:34 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML

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Boxing

Holly - - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

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Suspicious

StevieMe - - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

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Handy

screwed - - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

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Hang in there

ouch - - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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n_london 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 23:34

this is a classic fml. that really sucks. and who the **** votes YDI on this?

kingbob337 0

Wednesday 26 August 2009 23:31

ouch ouch ouch

I_Hate_Coke 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 8:42

How could she be puking? Because you were all bloody?

raymm 1

Sunday 27 September 2009 0:48

Some guys will do anything to get out of kitchen chores.

futboljem 1

Wednesday 21 July 2010 4:12

firstttttttt

futboljem 1

Thursday 22 July 2010 19:24

first

xo_sweetheart_xo 0

Thursday 9 June 2011 23:15

thats a pipe

BethanyNichelle 0

Sunday 31 July 2011 1:34

Oh my gosh, that is horrible, I am like gagging, I winced when you said the cheese grater thing, then the knife......ugh

Psycho_Babydoll 26

Wednesday 9 November 2011 6:20

What the **** dude, were you rehearsing the next Final Destination movie?!

dlaury 0

Wednesday 1 February 2012 23:12

Oooouch!!!

bloodierframe30 16

Tuesday 19 November 2013 6:24

Hehe

SonyIsGod 13

Saturday 30 November 2013 2:13

You poor bloke. I genuinely feel sorry for you, my friend.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, while talking with my sister about why she and her husband never want kids, my own kids kicked a football into the kitchen cabinet, breaking the very bottom shelf, and tipping every plate, dish, and bowl to smash on the floor. My sister just gave me that look, the look that says, “Duh!” FML

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Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into a goatee for a Skype interview. On the day, the interviewer only used audio. FML

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Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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Today, my friends like to call me "Peyton Manning" because of my huge forehead. I thought it was funny until I realized my forehead is "huge" because I seem to be going bald. I'm 21. FML

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Today, I was declined a sales position at a local store. As I headed out, I heard the interviewer telling a colleague, "Christ. That kid had less charisma than Microsoft Sam." FML

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Today, I was in McDonald's with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, "Whoa, you're really pretty." No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, "Wow. He must have been drunk." FML

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