Intimacy Scarred for life

Scarred for life

Aly - 09/12/2011 15:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

more than I wanted to know - 13/05/2013 19:10 - Italy - San Giustino

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

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Anonymous - 16/01/2010 00:57 - Australia

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

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Don't wanna know

Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

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CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

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tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

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Anonymous - 26/06/2015 17:42 - Zambia

Today, my dad drunkenly confessed that the reason he never gave me the sex talk was because he figured that I'm too weird-looking and socially awkward to ever get laid. He's right, all too right. FML

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At least it wasn't rotting coconut?

Getmeoutofhere - 10/08/2017 17:15 - Australia

Today, I was masturbating when my dad came into my room to say goodnight. He leaned down over my bed, paused, and said, "What's that smell? It's like... oh." His face dropped and he left the room. I don't think he'll ever see me the same way again. FML

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confused_girl - 01/08/2013 05:10 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML

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Anonymous - 16/07/2012 00:12 - Canada - Brampton

Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore. FML

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Prepper

suze44 - - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

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WCARlover 34

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

I'll keep that in mind for when I have kids lol

kikiwi_fml 9

Friday 9 December 2011 18:47

Looks like your dad has it figured out.

PillowsAreSoft 0

Friday 16 December 2011 4:01

Haha that's great!!

Phrozenpu_fml 0

Saturday 17 December 2011 13:06

sounds like a dad protecting his kid to me YDI :)

krazy_kat2 4

Tuesday 20 December 2011 19:30

Its okay, that wasnt as bad as "imagine beetlejuice crawling into your body"

carry_fml 4

Thursday 22 December 2011 0:00

That's HILARIOUS!! I definitely have to keep that in mind when I give my kids the "sex talk".

lishy1311 0

Friday 30 December 2011 12:31

My dad said the same thing to me cause he thought I was getting clucky FML.

kalei421 0

Saturday 31 December 2011 3:08

Isn't that the point of why parents give you "the talk" in tha first place ??

Nurgler 1

Wednesday 4 January 2012 23:09

To all of u who say I'm going to do this to my kids.... u are the problem with americans... americans are so prude that we tell our kids that sex is the issue but sex isn't... our misconception of how sex is suppose to be done is the issue... sex is natural... our bodies crave sex beyond mating..... sex is natural and should be practiced but practiced safely... its called contraceptives for a ******* reason... So why don't we stop scaring our kids away from sex and telling them the truth.... In the end being honest with our kids will also get them to listen to us about another VERY important issue called DRUG ABUSE! and all americans do is LIE to there kids which cause them to REBEL..... so wake the **** up u ignorant ***** and be honest with your kids otherwise they are gonna do 200 times worse shit than u Thank you for your time :-)