Drunk, Roommate, Awkward Miscellaneous Roomies

Roomies

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed, and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Living the dream

notyourcleaner - 13/01/2015 11:06 - Malaysia - Puchong

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

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theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

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College life

Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

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TCRII - 19/01/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

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Anonymous - 27/08/2011 22:59 - United States

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

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Painful

stupid drunk bitch - 24/02/2016 18:37 - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

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uvagirl - 05/07/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

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floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

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The joys of spring

pukeytimes - - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

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Brinty - 24/10/2009 04:26 - Australia

Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML

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Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 19 February 2013 19:11

She turned your aquarium into a vomitorium... Good luck finding Nemo in there.

Omfgitsmia 15

Tuesday 19 February 2013 19:09

She sounds like a mess. Maybe you should live alone.

Kingbreezy04 10

Tuesday 19 February 2013 19:47

You should have looked on Craigslist for a roommate. You can trust "anything" that's posted on Craigslist.

oped01 8

Tuesday 19 February 2013 19:49

Where are U getting your roommates from. The Jersey Shore?

ultimatitan 1

Tuesday 19 February 2013 19:50

Who is chunks?? Lol good luck OP

cmbar831 14

Tuesday 19 February 2013 19:53

Blew chunks means vomit...chunks of whatever the heck they ate

Kingbreezy04 10

Tuesday 19 February 2013 20:09

I think he meant "blew", as in *******, fellatio, head, becky, slobbin' the knob, dome, wetting the whistle, putting his "D" in her "M", or the oldie but goodie....sucking a penis. All this talk about *******'s has me wishing my name was Chunks.