Intimacy PRAISE THE LORD!

PRAISE THE LORD!

cantgetup - 03/04/2011 04:10 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

mattttbob - 04/02/2012 10:16 - Australia

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

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anonymous - 17/04/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

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aninc - 28/06/2019 23:15 - United States - Boise

Today, I found out that a strong orgasm can trigger my girlfriend's PTSD. FML

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Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

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Anonymous - 30/11/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

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Sounds hot

oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

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fineididntwantkidsanyway - 02/12/2012 23:39 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

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ryanlogan - 31/08/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

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rawdoglyfe69 - 17/04/2013 06:14 - United States - Helena

Today, I learned two things. First, my girlfriend loves sex. Second, I'm practically the only one she hasn't had sex with in the 2 months we've been dating. FML

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sadinthesack - 31/08/2009 18:56 - United States

Today, I was making love to my girlfriend and was pretty impressed with myself for lasting through multiple songs. Then I realized her ipod was playing a medley. I only lasted 3 1/2 minutes. FML

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Doortje 29

Sunday 3 April 2011 12:29

Gospel it is then!

Rei_Ayanami 18

Sunday 3 April 2011 12:34

It would be an impressive feat to be able to perform while listening to that. I recommend you buy her an iPod and a pair of earbuds.

tristbjorn 5

Monday 4 April 2011 23:23

"hole"-ier than thou?

manny2 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 0:12

Ooooohhhhhhhhh Jesus!!!!!!!

Darkhatchling 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 1:34

jizzzzzzzus!

jdogy 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 3:48

then hump her brains out when not listening to gospel

jorankay411 6

Tuesday 5 April 2011 6:55

Oh.... That's messed up.... ****** irony man!!!!

ronniewciv 3

Tuesday 5 April 2011 10:56

buy her some really nice headphones lol

lilberkman 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 13:39

Justin Molina's style haha

ohyess909 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 18:44

dude stfu ur gettingfucked be happy

rockonmyfriend 0

Tuesday 5 April 2011 22:29

WTF? hey at least your having SEX! yayyyy

jjfml55555 0

Wednesday 6 April 2011 1:04

akward and ironic...

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I tried a new productivity hack of setting multiple alarms to remind me of tasks. Instead, I spent the entire day in a cacophony of alarms, confusing myself to the point where I forgot what I was actually supposed to be doing. FML

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Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

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Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother's. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML

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Today, at work I was talking to a co-worker about what a slacker my manager was, and how all she did was stand around and talk. She was standing behind me the whole time. I now have sore nuts due to a direct hit from a broom handle. FML

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Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

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