Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML
Today, I found out I can sneak out of my house... but not back in. FML
Today, I bought myself an MP3 player. Later, I was laying in bed, listening to music and eating a bowl of cereal, when I went to move the bowl of cereal on the bedside table for some shut eye. I dropped my MP3 player into the leftover milk. FML
Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML
Today, despite having made it clear that I'm neither interested, nor I am able to take over the jobs of the 3 members of staff who have recently left, my boss made a "Progress Plan" for me and will check on it weekly. I'm getting paid 1.5 times less than average in my role and he's not giving me a raise because the company is stingy. FML
Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has been denying me sex isn't because he is scared of someone walking in on us. It's because his blow-up doll pleasures him more than I do. FML
Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML
At least he thought of you
He sounds committed. Most girls would dig that.