Animals, Cats Health Caturday surprise! - FML

Caturday surprise!

keeperstride - - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Hang in there

ouch - - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML

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Caught off guard

dooommage - - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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Broke boy

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

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Self defence

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML

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Close encounters

Pinkie - - United States

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

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Freak out

zAstonish - - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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Deez nuts

needtoscratch - - United States - Duluth

Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML

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Bad boy

Shiva - - France - Niort

Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

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Surprising

Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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Stinky pits

shakinmahbuttbutt - - United States

Today, it's been two weeks since my parents went crazy with their attempts to save on the water bill. Every time I want to take a shower, I have to ask them first. Let's just say I've had to resort to taking sponge baths in public bathrooms to keep my B.O. under control. FML

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redbluegreen 40

Friday 4 September 2009 1:08

Greatest FML I've ever read in my life.

Aoife 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:11

Haha, there's a place and time for everything. You can't ALWAYS get the pussy into the shower with you. x]

Ketz 0

Friday 4 September 2009 2:59

Ha, you got needle-molested

darkmis1 17

Friday 4 September 2009 3:07

where the hell did you ever get the thought that would he a good idea? cats wash themselves, and usually hate water. YDI.

notcoolperson 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:10

********** has never been so perverse.

deadboy73 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:13

yeah, you were trying to "wash" your cat...you're looking for the wrong kind of pussy my friend

californiareader 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:14

cats+water=angry mean cat, basic math man. YDI for doing it naked in the first place. hahahah i agree with #32

WoolyWhoop 7

Friday 4 September 2009 3:15

Finally, a half decent FML. The OP is retarded though if this is real, but amusing nonetheless.

nixxx90 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:22

hahahahahahahaahahahahhahahahaha

sublime93 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:22

No one deserves that but it was still pretty stupid of you

TheLetterZero 7

Friday 4 September 2009 3:27

I think the OP is mentally retarded... How did he even figure out how to post this on the website?

loonphdno 0

Friday 4 September 2009 3:28

OMFG.....What if this sicko had kids???

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML

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Today, I’m finally getting over a bad accident I had, and I'm allowed to start walking again. Alas, I’ve been flat on my back in a hospital bed for so many months, I’m having to get used to standing upright again. I get so dizzy from standing, I keep falling and hurting myself. FML

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Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

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Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

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Today, I visited the best cafe for the fourth time in a week. I’ve tried not to flirt with the same (hot) barista, I even mentioned my partner, but we chat and joke every time, and get on well. After I said bye and left, I heard a hasty, “Love you, bye.” It's maybe a joke, but he’s a total catch, and I don't know if I can go back there now. FML

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Today, I got punched in the face after I beat my stepbrother at Mario Kart. I didn't really get hurt, but he managed to break a finger. My stepmom blamed the whole thing on me, accusing me of being violent and a bad influence on her son. FML

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