Your everyday life stories

firefighter1993 - 16/06/2016 06:48 - United States - Arvada

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 1 in the morning saying that the fish tank upstairs has no water in it and the fish are dying. Keep in mind the tank is a 50 gallon tank. Fml

124

BedroomJackoff - 16/06/2016 06:47 - United States - Huxley

Today, I found my friend jacking off in my bedroom, and to my mother's picture. I still have no idea how he got in. FML

138

SubaruWRXSTI - 16/06/2016 06:37 - United States - Sandusky

Today, I realised that I am in love with my best friend, who confessed her love for me after I had recently broken up with my ex a few months ago. Unfortunately she has a new boyfriend now, and watching them together hurts me beyond belief. FML

139

TheDarkCaster - 16/06/2016 06:36 - United Kingdom - Caterham

Today, I walked in on my mum. Now, this would be fine... If it was actually my dad. Not my next door neighbour... FML

149

yingxinnnnn - 16/06/2016 06:33 - Malaysia - Banting

Today, while working at a tuition center, we discovered that a 7 year old boy shat his pants and dripped liquid poo all the way to the toilet and shat on the toilet floor. He even scooped up the poo with his bare hands to put it in the basin and smeared it all over the walls and mops. FML

114

summerstudent - 16/06/2016 06:26 - United States

Today, (and every other day) my roommates have a late sleeping schedule unlike my early-to-bed-early-to-rise schedule. I wouldn't mind this, except for the fact that I have to fall asleep with the lights on every night and get ready in the dark every morning. FML

104

it___happens - 16/06/2016 06:18 - United States - Bothell

Today, I got to walk for graduation after earning both my associates degree,and my high school diploma. Unfortunately I had a seizure right before walking into the building, and got to spend all day in the hospital. FML

104

Anonymous - 16/06/2016 06:03 - Australia - Caboolture

Today, i got a haircut. I had to listen to my barber talk about her recent breakup for the whole time. FML

Analsexander - 16/06/2016 05:54 - Austria - Furstenfeld

Today my girlfriend told me, that she got a summer job 3 hours away from my city and would only come back on weekends. Then she continued "Also we will not have sex in the next two months, because the job is exhausting and sex hurts anyway." We had our first time a week ago. FML

106

what? - 16/06/2016 05:42 - United States - Chugiak

Today, my landlord screamed at me for my little brother drawing with chalk on the concrete pathway. What did I see her grand-daughter doing later that day? Drawing with chalk on the same pathway. FML

101

Foreveralone - 16/06/2016 05:06 - United States

Today, after going on a long rant about how I have no love life to one of my friends, I decided to end on an optimistic note saying "but I'm sure I'll find someone someday." He mumbled something under his breath and when I asked him to clarify he said he highly doubted I would ever find anyone. Fml.

sk1tt135 - 16/06/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick so I went to the bathroom to throw up not long after I did it, my body needed to throw up again but not before my boyfriend pushed me out of the way to take a piss. FML.

rorylikesnoodles - 16/06/2016 04:38 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I was staying with my father and brother, and I needed to use the bathroom. As I was in the process of sitting down on the toilet, I realized there was an absence of toilet seat. It was too late. I fell into the toilet bowl, poo water splashing all over me and the floor. FML

BrokenBen - 16/06/2016 04:14 - United States - Austin

Today my wife of 22 years told me she's leaving me. I then found out that my two daughters are actually my niece's, and she had been sleeping with my brother throughout our marriage. FML.

789

The Dark Knight - 16/06/2016 02:40 - Canada - Val-d'or

Today, I graduated to college and my family only came because of the food. FML

367

meatloaf11 - 16/06/2016 01:32 - United States

Today, A girl turned me down for a date because she, "doesn't really eat dinner." FML

389

Anonymous - 16/06/2016 01:09 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was buying food from an Indian cashier. When I misunderstood what he said and he laughed bitterly, I blurted "Sorry, I don't understand *anyone* when they speak." He was visibly offended, and I just rushed out in anxiety. I meant that I have language processing issues due to a disorder. FML

367

Anonymous - 16/06/2016 00:55 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after finishing a great workout at the gym, I drank my usual 3 scoops of protein powder. I completely forgot about the massage I booked for half an hour later. I have been having the worst protein farts while she is working on my back and even heard her gag a couple times FML

368

Rah - 16/06/2016 00:26 - United States - West Warwick

Today I noticed my friend's mom's bulging stomach. It was very round so I thought 'she must be pregnant' so after her mom leaves I ask "is your mom pregnent?" And she turns, looks at me, and says "my parents haven't slept in the same bed in years." FML

341

newly-bummed - 15/06/2016 21:30 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my husband of two months fell asleep during sex. This is the first time in over a month that he even attempted to get intimate. FML

333

kev1316 - 15/06/2016 21:07 - United States - Hammonton

Today, I was riding my bike up the small road my house is on. I was having a good time, until I fell off, catching my finger in between the chain and sprocket, almost severing it. FML

319

guilt - 15/06/2016 20:44 - United States - Clover

Today, my dog's been hyperventilating, panicking, and sometimes shutting down for 2 weeks now. The vet told me that since dogs mimick the personalities of their owners, I gave my dog anxiety. FML

350

Single Again - 15/06/2016 19:51 - United States - Jaffrey

Today, I discovered that, even though my girlfriend of three years wants to wait until marriage for us to have sex, she has no problem banging my friend she met last night. FML

304

dammitalltohell - 15/06/2016 18:00 - Canada - New Liskeard

Today. my new boyfriend made me watch a thing on sexual harassment. He claims that my constantly wanting sex is most definitely sexual harassment. Great. FML

218

Looking For Work - 15/06/2016 11:18 - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, 10 minutes before my shift ended, my manager decided to dump a ton of dishes into my sink that she 'forgot' about. I either had to stay over and finish them or get written up for it. FML

612

Emmmmmmmmmmmmma - 15/06/2016 08:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, at an interview for a job in which I'll be using my private phone to access confidential information, the interviewer emphasized how important it was to keep our phones secure. After, I realized my phone was nowhere to be found and the interviewer saw me searching for it.

509

Tembeleanna - 15/06/2016 07:59 - Switzerland

Today, I woke up bright and early, just when my boss called to fire me. FML

495

jheria - 15/06/2016 07:47 - United States - Union City

Today, I let my dog outside. I came out 15 minutes later to a missing puppy and a picture of Mick Jagger on my window. Sucky Trade off, jerk. FML!

506

SapphireDolphin - 15/06/2016 04:02 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook message because according to him we don't talk enough. Even though he had ignored my last 3 messages. He ended his text with "oh by the way, sorry about your grandmother" She passed away last week and this was the first time he'd bothered to text me. FML

489

headacheheartache - 15/06/2016 03:38 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, at the pool, my boyfriend was messing around and splashing me in the face. Instinctively, I tried to push him away but I accidentally ended smacking him in the face. He is currently not speaking to me. FML

408

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

62 655

4 853

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

52 817

5 576

Today, while working at my job at a lumber/hardware store, my coworker told me he was taking an hour break instead of the usual half-hour. Not only did he leave me with a store packed with customers on Customer Appreciation Day, but he never came back until closing time. FML

15 770

940

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

13 355

41 646

Today, after watching TV, my boyfriend and I had to go walk our dog. I was too lazy to get up from the couch immediately so I teased him by turning off all the (smart) lights using my phone. He got mad and went upstairs to continue watching TV, so now I have to walk the dog alone. FML

801

Today, my maths teacher, who hates me ever since I pointed out a mistake he made a few months ago, rang my dad and blatantly lied to him about me swearing at him in class. It was a complete load of bollocks, but my dad believed him and took away my PlayStation until after Christmas. FML

987

181