Pregnancy

What a lovely guy

By pull your goddamn weight! - 15/08/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I got into a fight with my husband. I told him we’re a stereotypical couple, where the wife is exhausted from doing all the housework and raising the kids. He looked me in the eye and told me I’m lucky he’s still around after how I “let myself go after the third kid.” I have diastasis recti. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 238

Grow up!

By UpTheDuff - 20/04/2023 12:00 - United States - New York

Today, after a necessary medical procedure that rendered my birth control ineffective, I found out I’m pregnant. I was already planning to break up with my manchild boyfriend, and when I told him this, his first response was, “What will my parents think?” Parents with whom he still lives at age 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 814

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 22:01

Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 221

But my grandbabiiiiiiiies

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 09:21 - Australia - Canberra

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 063

You deserved it 1 649

Dream baby dream

By NewDadHurtBad - 27/06/2022 09:00 - Canada - Quesnel

Today, for the third time in 3 months, my pregnant wife woke me up by slapping me because I cheated on her in her dreams. I would never cheat on my wife, and she blames it on "pregnancy brain." There's still 5 months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 163

Brain melter

By Anonymous - 27/07/2023 03:00

Today, due to my blood pressure, I've begun getting an agonising migraine every time I get increased heart rate from arousal. We’re supposed to be trying for our first baby, but we’ve not had successful sex in weeks because I can’t last until orgasm before I feel like my head is splitting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 177

Mystery

By Anonymous - 17/07/2016 14:51 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 837

You deserved it 1 987

Nice support system you've got there

By Anonymous - 24/08/2023 22:00

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my parents, expecting them to be thrilled. Instead, they were furious. Apparently, being unmarried and on disability means I can't raise a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 1 777

Double whammy

By Anonymous - 28/02/2023 16:00 - Argentina

Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce and walked out. This is two days after she informed me that she is unexpectedly pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 97

Not so funny after all

By oops - 21/09/2013 01:30 - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 531

You deserved it 7 136

Deadbeat or denial?

By Anonymous - 04/09/2023 07:30

Today, through my Ring doorbell I saw a pregnant woman knock on the door for my son and claim the baby was his. He just said to her, "No it’s not", then shut the door in her face. She left before I could get there. The little bastard won’t tell me her name or phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 234

Sex Ed has failed a lot of people

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 02:00

Today, a senior girl in my college-level biology course asked our professor what periods are like when you’re pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 193

Awesome

By Jadwiga - 27/08/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 184

Good news

By poormom - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 444

You deserved it 29 144

How could you?

By Anon - 25/07/2022 06:00

Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 590

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 31/08/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I told my boyfriend I’m pregnant. He broke down crying because his mother is going to be so mad at him. He’s in his 30’s and we've lived together for over 4 years, it’s not like it was a drunken mistake, it just happened naturally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 130

Stuck in the middle with you

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 00:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. The kicker is, I'm 5 months pregnant and didn't even know it - no symptoms, nothing. I thought it was weight gain due to antidepressants and I'm also dealing with financial issues. I'm too far along to get an abortion, and adoption is not an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 461

Thanks mom, you're the best

By prego - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I called my mom into my room to ask her to bring me something. She referred to me as a "lazy fat slug." I'm 38 weeks pregnant and was put on emergency bedrest by my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 883

You deserved it 4 896

Extorsion, but kinda deserved

By Soon2beBroKe - 22/05/2023 06:00

Today, I'm now jobless and girlfriend-less. The cat got out of the bag that I impregnated my co-worker, who I’ve been secretly dating. What caused this? I didn’t have enough hush money to pay my other co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 4 060

Gentleman

By Screwed - 10/07/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, a girl I’ve been fucking told me she’s pregnant after she told me she took the pill. What she really meant was, “Oh, that pill? That was Advil ‘cause I get headaches.” The bitch knows I have a wife and kids. She callously said, “Should've been more specific.” She can’t understand why I’m freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 1 995

Obligatory joke about Alabama

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 324

We meet again

By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterwards tried to comfort me by saying there'd been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 019

You deserved it 5 191

Judgemental

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Boston

Today, on the bus, a little boy gave me the dirtiest look, pointed at my pregnant stomach, and menacingly said, "I know what you did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 548

You deserved it 7 849

Not again

By Anonymous - 17/10/2023 20:00

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my parents, thinking they’d be excited. Instead, they gave me 30 days to find a new place, saying they refuse to raise “any more of your children.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 2 814

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 12:00

Today, at Starbucks, I was sat next to a father and son where the son told his dad he wanted to meet in a public place for his own safety, because he had to tell him he’d gotten his half-sister pregnant. It might not sound like my FML but in the fist fight that followed they smashed my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 130

No shot

By Anonymous - 22/06/2021 04:01

Today, I had emergency surgery to remove my fallopian tubes. I'm one of the 0.5% of people who get pregnant after having their tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 109

Too little, too late

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 20:23 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 426

You deserved it 33 893

Happy days

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 1 225

Bad grandparenting

By Anonymous - 24/12/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my youngest, the 17 year-old, told me she’s pregnant. That makes it official: despite all my warnings about safe sex, all three of my daughters got pregnant before the age of 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 375

Stand up guy

By Cecilian - 06/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out why my fiancé has been treating me like garbage lately. He thought that me getting fed up and dumping him would save him the unpleasant task of having to confess to the affair he’s been having with his coworker. We’re expecting our baby girl in 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 123

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The Top

Today, I was feeling really good about going to the gym for the first time. That was until I got so worn out from my “warm up” on the treadmill that I had to go home and spew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 165

Today, my girlfriend likes playing games on her phone more than she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 141

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 396

You deserved it 330

Today, I had a proper look at myself in the mirror. I have recently lost 5 lbs. Turns out that it mainly shows on my boob. Not boobs. Boob. Right one only. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 182

You deserved it 3 190

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 279

You deserved it 5 348

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 766

You deserved it 2 170