Health

Everything's gone green

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 18:00

Today, it's been a month since the hair dye that was supposed to be temporary is still making my hair tropically green, now with some added roots making it look even worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 583

Crawling

By mojolady - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 023

You deserved it 12 611

Party pooper

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a bunch of friends over for a party. My mom came stumbling into my room, crying about how she was officially menopausal, and that I was going to "die an only child." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 853

You deserved it 2 388

Inevitable

By Take me back - 31/01/2023 04:30

Today, my 71-year-old grandmother survived cancer for the fourth time. I'm grateful, but at the same time I find myself feeling sad that she will soon be gone. She has COPD and constantly mentions that she is going to die soon. I wish I could build a time machine and go back to before she became terminally ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 113

Bless you

By Achoo - 31/01/2023 02:30

Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 197

WTF?

By Viscerion - 31/01/2023 00:30 - Australia - Albury

Today, my wife, in all seriousness, told me she believed I am autistic. With all due respect to autistic people out there, WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 259

Green fingers

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 07:30

Today, my friends and family staged an intervention for me. Of course, I assumed it was a result of my raging alcoholism. Nope. It was due to my obsession with buying plants. They were deadly serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 195

Fight yoga, try stress

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Craig

Today, I'm so unused to physical activity that I got exhausted and fell asleep on my yoga mat not even halfway through the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 247

You deserved it 5 567

The love boat

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 16:30

Today, I boarded my very first cruise, in order to relax and unwind for week-long vacation. However, when I got on the ship, I found out that I get seasick REALLY easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 809

You deserved it 162

No kidding

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 11:30

Today, after trying for five years to get pregnant, I just found out that my husband had a vasectomy and he didn't tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 756

You deserved it 244

Worst roommate ever

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 08:00 - Ireland

Today I knocked on one of my roommate's door and asked her to stop vacuuming since it's was late. She started to record me and went on a tirade about how none of the girls there respect her. She has previously tried to push two girls down the stairs. Her lease isn't up for 4 more months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 112

Cheers, Doc

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 00:00

Today, I accidentally swallowed a piece of gum. My doctor says it'll pass in 7-10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173

You deserved it 789

Cool banana!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2023 07:30

Today, I tripped on a rock, fell in a pond, and lost my phone. All while dressed as a banana for a charity run. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 228

I'm a dumbass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I almost died in the shower when I slipped and my dumbass self tried to grab the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 095

You deserved it 597

Invisible

By Ignored - 26/01/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I've become so used to being ignored, that not only can I recognize the unique physical and verbal tics (or lack thereof) that certain people have when they're not listening to me, but I can even mutter just about anything under my breath - even in public - completely confident that no one will listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 204

Good thing IQ isn't real

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 16:30 - Germany

Today, I was looking for flower seeds on the internet, wanting the same pretty flowers that my mom has. My mom, who lives next door, and whose pretty flowers grow seeds that I could just have picked and planted. It seems a high IQ does not prevent you from simply being stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 791

Quiet quitting time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 04:00

Today, I went to do a drug test for a new job. While I was there, they said the job was part-time with no insurance. Previously it was supposed to be full time with insurance. Now I have to take a job that pays $20,000 less a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 125

Queasy

By tbw - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to get my ass in shape and went to the gym. I got motion-sickness on the elliptical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 654

You deserved it 5 949

Plumbing issues

By oops - 25/01/2023 03:00

Today, I realized that sometimes when I sneeze, I pee a little. I’m 28 years-old and I've never had kid; I’m even a virgin. This shouldn’t be happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 172

I'm a burden

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 08:30 - United States - Highland

Today, my boyfriend of almost five years told me, due to health issues, he can't move in with me or propose to me. He knows I support him, but if it was a serious health issue, wouldn't he want to be married, knowing I'm there? FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 190

Sorry!

By My hip hurts - 23/01/2023 01:00

Today, I got hit by a car while going out for a jog. As I writhed on the floor in pain, I heard the driver say, “Sorry!” and the sound of tires squealing. He’d sped off. I didn’t get a chance to get his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 006

You deserved it 112

That one John Cage track

By dtmm - 22/01/2023 20:00

Today, I was listening to my music on my phone through my Bluetooth wireless headphones. While listening, I turned my music and the power on my headphones off for a bit. I thought I'd lost them when I got home. They were so loosely fit over my ears that I felt like an idiot when I realized they were still on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 657

Good question

By lady parts - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Bluff

Today, I was being interviewed for a grant over the phone. When asked why I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked and yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 082

You deserved it 14 274

Foul

By Embarrassed - 20/01/2023 18:00

Today, I rushed home, barged into the bathroom, and released the biggest, most foul mudmonkeys ever, complete with noises. I came out and my brother and his hot friends, including the one I have a crush on, were all laughing. My brother told me, “Don’t forget to Lysol spray.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 178

Emergency hotline

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 16:00

Today, I spent one night with my phone turned off so I could finally relax. When I turned it back on I had 17 missed calls from siblings wanting to moan about their spouses, 5 calls from mom, 6 from dad, 2 from work, and 2 from my ex. I think I’ve earned some time alone, don’t you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 137

Opiates rule

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 00:00 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I am 10 years clean from an opiate addiction. It’s also been 10 years since I began suffering from severe restless legs syndrome, to the point I cry from frustration and sleep deprivation almost every night. I’ve tried several medications, they don’t help. A recent injury has made me realize opiates do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 147

A day in the life

By Anonymous - 19/01/2023 18:00

Today, I kicked my coffee table while barefoot, got an X-ray, and I’d cracked the bone. Got home, kicked the exact same table with the exact same toe, got another X-ray, the crack is now a full-on break. What a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 972

Savings

By someone who is depressed - 19/01/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I've found that the water bill has been much lower than usual as of late. I then realized that this is because I'm so depressed and hardly get out at all, that I've stopped showering or even taking care of myself in general. Who do I have to impress, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 233

Have you ever zapped anyone?

By Attack of the Electric Dad - 19/01/2023 10:00

Today, my dad gathers so much static electricity from almost everything that he does that I've become paranoid and scared to touch him at all. He thinks I hate him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 167

Correlation?

By Anonymous - 19/01/2023 06:00 - Netherlands

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been experiencing hair loss. He insisted on a pregnancy test. My parents then grounded me. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 114

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I pulled a girl out of the way of a car. She yelled at me because I made her drop her phone, which then got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 610

You deserved it 1 791

Today, it's my daughter’s 18th birthday. Today is also the day that my husband told me he’s leaving me for her, and he wants a divorce. When I threatened to press charges for potentially grooming her as a minor, he told me I don’t have a leg to stand on because, “She’s been at the age of consent anyway.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 183

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 434

You deserved it 104 580

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 388

You deserved it 7 627

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 087

You deserved it 8 464

Today, it was the hottest day of the year so I opened my sun roof. The hottest day of the year was followed by the biggest storm of the year. I forgot to close my sun roof and my car is now flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 183

You deserved it 32 652