Fight

Blood is thicker than shit

By Anonymous - 06/11/2024 05:00 - United States - Arlington Heights

Today, my father is living with me because he's broke, but sometimes he has temper tantrums and calls me a son of a bitch. I can't stand to be name-called when I support him 1000%, and then we got into a violent physical fight. We both end up hurt, so I want to kick him out of my house, but I can't because he won't leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 171

PTSD Andy

By Anonymous - 21/10/2023 05:00

Today, poorly applied makeup made it look like I have a black eye in most of my wedding photos. I would have laughed it off, but I was showing them to my brother who was deployed during the actual wedding. He saw the black eye, assumed it was domestic abuse, and attacked my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 172

Teacher X

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, some guy punched me square in the face for bullying him through high school. I had no idea who he was, and he was angrily yelling for what I once did to him in teacher X's class. I never had teacher X. Then he realised we didn’t even go to the same school. Mistaken identity = my busted nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280

You deserved it 106

Threatening

By supersplatoon - 08/09/2015 23:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was walking down the street when someone started yelling at me, saying I was dead. I bolted, ran into a pole and when they caught up to me, said "Oh, wrong person." and walked off, leaving me bruised on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 092

You deserved it 2 712

Badass

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 201

Don't bother me

By anon - 11/07/2015 12:51 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 767

You deserved it 3 274

Fight Club

By x_o - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Hungary - Öttevény

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 973

You deserved it 3 948

Badass

By Boyufd - 30/08/2021 18:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after 3 years. Why, do you ask? Turns out her dad used to bully my dad in highschool and my dad kicked his ass after all this time and sent him to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 106

He had it coming

By Anonymous - 19/09/2023 22:00

Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 480

No match for the overwhelming force

By biotch - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 300

You deserved it 6 550

Fight Club

By CurseYouSonyaLee - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got into a fight with my brother that somehow ended with him breaking my toe with a Fisher-Price airplane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 778

You deserved it 5 652

Let me sleep

By do your own ironing - 15/04/2013 04:32

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3 a.m., screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 922

You deserved it 5 583

Fight Club Penguin

By mama bear - 05/06/2020 20:00

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 084

You deserved it 229

It wasn't me!

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 18:40 - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 2 732

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 08:01

Today, someone punched me in the back of the head, so I swung round and broke their nose. It was some woman screaming at me for wearing headphones and ignoring her. She then pulled a hidden disability badge out her pocket so everyone thought I was beating up a disabled person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 277

No, not like that

By God damn it son - 08/08/2022 04:00

Today, after my 10 year-old son asked what equal rights were and I'd explained it means you treat everyone the same, this morning he punched a girl who's been bullying him so hard, he broke her tooth, because, "Equal rights: if she was a boy I'd have hit her before, but equal rights says it doesn't matter if she's a girl, so I hit her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 699

Catfight

By Invaded - 18/01/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I thought I had fully patched up the hole in the wall near the stairs. I was proven wrong when I heard my cat screaming and hissing near it. The black cat who lives in my backyard decided to say hi, which my cat didn't take too kindly to. She absolutely whooped his ass. Not a fun thing to wake up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 299

Roaming gangs

By 23yearoldtoddler - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 032

You deserved it 6 787

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 06:00

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 302

You deserved it 370

Infantilizing

By this is why! - 30/10/2021 18:00 - United States

Today, my wife is angry with me for lying to her and “treating her like a child”. Knowing how long it takes her to get ready, I told her an event we were attending started an hour and a half before it really did. Even with the extra time, we barely made it. She still thinks I’m wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 125

He started it, sorry

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 15:01 - United States

Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 175

Dexter? Is that you?

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 18:00

Today, I apparently didn’t teach my son the difference between defending himself from bullies and knocking out the bully's teeth, breaking his nose, cracking his ribs, and grinding his fingers under his boot until the bone splintered. Yes, the cops are involved and my ex-wife blames me, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 293

That weird family down the street

By aaaaaaaand I’m single - 24/07/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 255

Demon drink

By Aliiveopen - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States - Wasilla

Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 170

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 079

You deserved it 7 521

Them frenchies don't **** around

By Anonymous - 30/09/2023 00:02

Today, my son, who I admit has a temper, met his cousins from France for the first time. Straight away he lost his temper, but before I could step in, his younger cousin knocked him out cold with a right hook, looked me dead in the eye and said, “That’s how you get a bitch under control.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 734

Innocence project

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01

Today, my son-in-law slapped my daughter, so I put him in an armhold and threw him outside. My daughter refused to press charges so he got away, but then he pressed charges against me for hitting his head against the wall when I threw him, so I got arrested instead. Justice is a shitting joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 209

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 17:01

Today, my son finally stood up to his bully and gave him a smashing that he damn well deserved. I’m desperate to tell him how proud I am, but my wife won’t let me because “we’re not raising a thug” and after 17 years of marriage, I’ve learned arguing with her is pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 419

Never sneak up

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 14:01

Today, I was listening to some music before school started, which is why I didn't hear my teacher sneak up behind me. When she laid her hand on my shoulder, of course I accidentally punch her in the face. Her nose bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 883

Bit of an overreaction

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 16:00

Today, my girlfriend firmly believes that wild Karens should be classed as vermin, as proven when we met a screaming Karen in Starbucks and my girlfriend jumped straight in there and kicked her ass until she stopped screaming. I'm now waiting to pick her up at the police station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 199

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Messy Animals Dogs Cute Love Miscellaneous ACAB Cops Intimacy Thief NSFW Sex Fight #FAFO Kids Parents Sexism Swimming pool Disney Money Abuse Health Gross Poopoo peepee Farts Cheating Shopping Weird Holidays Vacation

The Top

Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 641

You deserved it 4 895

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 090

You deserved it 18 830

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 846

You deserved it 5 910

Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 064

You deserved it 12 500

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 287

You deserved it 3 362

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 168

You deserved it 42 727