Dating

Self own + Karma

By Anonymous - 07/03/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, I was really excited to go on a date with my girlfriend. We were sat in the restaurant looking at our menus when she suddenly frowned and said someone was watching us from across the street. I turned to see who it was. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 1 853

Let's not do this again

By Krissy - 12/10/2024 14:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I went on a blind date, even though the whole concept freaks me out a bit. My date showed up with his sister, who sat at our table and critiqued everything we did, from how I chewed my food, to the way we nervously laughed. He hardly said a word the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 94

I'm outta here

By Anonymous - 24/07/2025 13:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was on a first date with a gorgeous and seemingly fun woman. After ordering, she pulled some plastic utensils from her purse. She then explained, “I always carry my own because I don’t want to get a fork a black person may have used before me.” I got up and left without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 128

Oddly specific reason

By jesse - 22/11/2024 16:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I went out to dinner with a cute, funny, smart, amazing girl. Or at least I thought she was cute, until she started coughing after her meal. She explained that she coughs after she eats. Can you say dealbreaker? FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 889

Classic fraud

By Anonymous - 28/04/2023 15:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 164

By Tick - 12/04/2019 16:00

Today, after not dating for 2 years, I went out on 2 dates. I got stood up both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 202

You deserved it 155

Date night to remember

By Anonymous - 26/08/2025 17:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I'd planned a low key date night with my partner for tonight. I told them about it last night. When they got home, they asked why I was dressed up. When I mentioned the date night, they just shrugged and said "Oh, OK" then made a joke about my lipstick. They didn’t change out of their grubby clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 166

High times

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 468

You deserved it 4 292

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 15/05/2022 02:00

Today, I got stood up on a date. To add insult to injury, meeting up was her idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 108

Strange dynamic

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 01:59

Today, my husband has been texting women to see if he can go out on a date with one of them, just because I’ve befriended his friend and apparently, the movie and food I got with the friend was a first date, so now he wants to get even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 2 350

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 653

You deserved it 3 374

Weird encounter

By No date for me - 29/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 129

Body positivity denied

By ConsideringPlasticSurgery - 12/08/2022 16:00

Today, and for the 6th time, I sent a potential suitor a full body picture. I usually get ghosted or called a plethora of fatshaming names. This time around the guy told me, “Wow. I’d kill myself if I had that body.” I’ve been single for 4 years and no matter how hard I try to find love, this happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 01/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 398

You deserved it 5 995

Duplicitous

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who looked like Ryan Gosling in his profile pictures. When I arrived at the restaurant, he was wearing a tank top, flip flops, and looked more like an actual Gosling, but not as cute. He then had the audacity to bail, stating I was skinnier than I was in my pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 181

Uncanny valley

By Anonn - 22/07/2022 12:00

Today, after yet another first date, I was once again told I'm a nice, sweet guy with a rocking body, interesting hobbies, easy to talk to and so on, but she just can't get over how I look like Shrek after a bad car accident, and won't be going on a second date. This is the fourth woman to compare me to Shrek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 131

Nice try, loverboy

By Gina - 08/04/2022 22:00

Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 484

You deserved it 209

First date, and probably the last

By DrunkGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 63 405

Catfished

By Iman - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 192

You deserved it 294 113

Niles Crane wannabe

By that’s crazy - 12/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I felt comfortable enough to invite the guy I’ve been seeing over to my apartment for the first time. Things immediately got weird when he started to inspect my place top to bottom to make sure it was “clean to his standards”. I told him to leave when he started going in my closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 118

The sad truth

By Soulara89 - 23/12/2014 01:28 - United States - Orlando

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 705

You deserved it 5 294

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 08:01

Today, I had the best date I've had in my life, until after we ate and split an expensive dinner out, we came back to my place and she then told me she was homeless, and wasn't looking to date but for a couch to crash on. She won't leave. Happy fucking New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 335

Overenthusiastic

By Sash - 06/04/2012 21:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I dressed up for a date. After waiting for hours, sending countless texts and voice mails to my date, and thinking I'd been stood up, I remembered my date is actually scheduled for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 630

You deserved it 38 399

Dating sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 19:59

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 445

You deserved it 494

Snoozefest

By Anonymous - 08/07/2024 15:00

Today, a guy didn’t want to take me on a second date. I asked him if it was because I’m not pretty, or because I’m not catwalk model skinny, or too short, and he told me quite openly that it had nothing to do with that, I’m just so boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 170

You deserved it 705

Spillage

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 06:00

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 156

Mixed signals

By Mark - 27/03/2017 09:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I asked out a coworker I really like. She gave me a weird look and said, "You're not gay?" I said no, to which she said, "Well, I am". As it turns out, I was the only one who thought she was straight, and the only one who thought I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 387

The struggle is real

By Any mouse - 05/03/2024 21:00 - United States

Today, I'm a 46 year-old woman who hates online dating, and who is now single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 204

Women be smiling

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 03:00

Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 308

What were you thinking?

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 10:00

Today, assuming he'd be okay with it, I brought my two kids with me on a first date, as I didn't want to pay for child care. My date made me pay for the kids' meals and my own, then blocked my number afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 3 309

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The Top

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 027

You deserved it 8 730

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 727

You deserved it 63 686

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 586

You deserved it 226

Today, I, a forty year-old man, went to the store with my teenage daughter and infant son. I got some very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 138

Today, I was flirting with a girl I like when she confessed she was into another guy. I then proceeded to wingman for that guy, telling her to take her shot with him before the chance went away. Effectively sticking myself into the friendzone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 1 707

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 424

You deserved it 8 875